Last year our veteran, cat-loving reporter Hidenori Satou informed readers of our Japanese site that he was accepting applications from potential girlfriends. There was no response. Undaunted, the 38-year-old vowed that this summer he would accomplish what he had failed to the last by giving his rapidly aging appearance a makeover. These past few months Mr. Sato has tried out several hip and fresh hairstyles, and, as a result, was able to accomplish a metamorphosis that we had not thought possible. But was he able to get a girlfriend?
After Mr. Sato’s failed attempt to scout a girlfriend from our reader base, we had honestly hoped that he would forget about romance and concentrate on work for once. However, as the seasons changed and summer approached, we at the office began to notice a tint of desperate loneliness in his manner and speech. It had started once again.
Unable to watch him suffer alone through the summer heat, we put our heads together and discussed what we could do. While it’s quite possible that the problem isn’t with appearance, we decided to see just how far Mr. Sato could change his look.
We took him to a beauty salon and thought to first replace his unpolished mane with something more sporty and fresh, like a mohawk. Ignoring his pleas, we commanded the stylist to cut away and the result was much better than we had expected! We had him throw on an Aloha shirt to match the sunny weather.
Basking in the result, we were ready to consider the makeover complete.
However, after taking Mr. Sato back to the office, one of our editors, let’s call him Mr. Z, warned: “Now he finally just looks like a normal person. That doesn’t qualify as a transformation.”
Indeed, rather than ‘transforming,’ we merely had finally managed to make Mr. Sato look like a normal guy. Thereupon, Mr. Z suggested: “How about giving him cornrows?”
Brilliant! A hip and youthful hairstyle like cornrows could be just the thing to save Mr. Sato from the downward trajectory his life was on!
Wasting no time, we set off to visit a salon in Tokyo known for its skill in cornrowing…only to be told that his hair was too short. Still, we had come too far to back down, and four hours later we left the shop with the beautiful cornrows we had come for. Not only that, but they matched Mr. Sato’s dark complexion perfectly.
The transformation is complete! Mr. Sato might just have a chance this summer!
As we were rejoicing, Mr. Satou himself seemed to be in tears, whimpering about how his scalp hurt. It seems the cornrows were indeed demanding on his already-short hair.
Don’t worry, Mr. Sato; looking as sharp as you do you’ll surely find a loving girlfriend to soothe your pain.
After leaving the salon we tried to think of anything else we could do for his transformation; unable to come up with anything, we called it a day and went home.
The next day we waited eagerly to see how well the cornrows were holding up. However, when he did walk through the front door we had to shield our eyes from the glare: where cornrows once stretched far and not-so-wide there was now nothing but smooth skin on the head of Mr. Satou.
He guffawed nonsensically: “This way feels much better! Hahaha!”
We vowed never to help him again.
While there is still plenty of time left before summer comes to a close, we’re sure that Mr. Sato shaved away any chance he had of finally getting a girlfriend. In any case, this little adventure has shown that much of our appearance really is determined by our hairstyle. If you’re unsatisfied with your own look, we say the bolder the better!
“Softbank Dog Satou.” Repulsive.