Your friends dragged you along to karoke and you know those bastards won’t be satisfied until they’ve heard you try and push Since You’ve Been Gone through those amateur cords.
It’s for embarrassing karaoke-induced situations like these that that Japan has developed the “Charming Beautiful Voice” pill which, as the name implies, will do for your voice what auto tune did for Britney Spears’.
The pills are sold by the company Guriko Chemical Ltd and also carry the official, less inspiring name of “Food Containing Magnesium.”
While we were wary of the suspiciously self-dobting “for Professionals!?” label on the package, we purchased a pack and made our way to the local karoke bar to test the product ourselves.
First up was our resident guinea pig, Mr. Sato, who claimed that upon taking the pills he felt that he had more control of his voice almost instantly. Certainly his voice had become more forceful and unbroken, but the placebo effect could also be at work.
Finding his claims hard to believe, I popped a pill myself and, to my surprise, my voice clearly felt different than it did before. I became able to hit the high notes I normally couldn’t and I felt that the air being pushed through my vocal cords came out much smoother – like some sort of laryngeal laxative.
Incidentally, there is a similar product on the market called “Mystique Energy Angel’s Voice.” It seems that upon consumption, the magnesium in these pills is absorbed by the vocal cords, making them more flexible.
I for one am impressed with the efficacy of these pills and plan on bringing them to all the drinking parties and mixers I attend from here out. At only 298 yen (4 USD), those of you lacking confidence in your singing ability may do well to pick up a pack. After taking one of these little capsules you may just find that you can breathe for the first time.
▼ The beginning 44 seconds showcase Mr. Satoh’s untainted singing skills. Fast forward to the 1:30 mark to hear his voice post-pill performance. Can you hear the difference?