Admit it: you’ve always wondered who would win a fight to the death between Ronal McDonald and Colonel Sanders (we’ve got our money on the clown only because he has a posse—no, not that posse).
Unless they bring back Celebrity Deathmatch for another season, there’s really only one logical way to find out which of our favorite fictional characters can bring the most pain: a Japanese fighting game.
Luckily, Japanese game artist and illustrator Kei-Suwabe has created a series of images that tease at what such a fighting game might look like.
The series is titled Satsui no Hadou, or “The Waves of Malice.”
The concept is that various mascot characters have been possessed by a dark force known as the ‘waves of malice’ that fills them with an irrepressible urge to kill.
Admittedly, there doesn’t seem to be much relation between most of the characters on the roster, but that’s what makes the gallery so entertaining (who wouldn’t want to see a brawl between Waldo and Professor Layton?).
The impressive detail and intense ink brush effect which the characters are drawn with makes the images seem on par—if not better—than character concept art for an actual fighting game.
And there is just something about the way the images are drawn that instills a sense of cold-hearted malice in even the most docile character. You’ve gotta hand it to someone who can make smiling Bob Ross look like a crazed murderer.
Suwabe has been posting his work to his homepage since 2001 and has since built a strong fan base among internet users.
We have reposted the images of a majority of the characters below, complete with English translations* of their ruthless one-liners.
The rest of the images can be viewed in full here.
*Cultural background does not carry well through simple translation and therefore some of the following quotes may make little to no sense.
▼ Character select screen
▼ Ronald “MaDonald” (The Chinese character on his chest means ‘mad’ or ‘crazy.’): “Well, well…nothing but a bunch of $&%ing chickens after all.”
▼ “Thunder Soldier” Colonel Sanders: “Eh? I’ll wring your neck like a chicken in seconds.”
▼ Bob Ross: “See? It’s easy! Anyone can put their soul into a painting! That’s right, a thirst for blood as well…”
▼ Waldo: “I’m tired of hiding… Now it’s my turn to look for you. Come, let’s play hide and seek…”
▼ Professor Layton: “I’m searching for a more challenging puzzle”
▼ Cardboard Box Gundam: “I am the REAL Gundam!”
▼ Rei Ayanami: “There’s no need for another clone… you’ll return to LCL before that.”
▼ Mickey Mouse (Chinese characters used for the Mickey in this picture literally mean ‘beautiful demon’ and read ‘Miki’): “Even if I show you mercy the copyrights won’t!”
▼ Doctor Blackjack: “Your illness is beyond help. But don’t worry, I’ll put you out of your misery…”
▼ Bibendum (aka The Michelin Man): “Now is the time to drink!”
▼ Kewpie: “A souvenir to you: behold, my true form!”
▼ Old Man Carl (from Japanese snack Ka-ru): “I’ve shipped more coffins of pathetic challengers than bags of Ka-ru!”
▼ Red Light Man (from anti-movie piracy commercials): “I’ve been ordered to take you in dead or alive.”
▼ Mucc (mascot character from children’s TV show, supposedly a yeti): “I’ll sing the requiem for you green bastards” (green refers to Gachapin, Mukku’s green dinosaur friend).
▼ Gachapin (from same show as Mucc, supposedly a green dinosaur): “The sports of men are nothing more than childish games to me.”
▼ Gilco Man (mascot of Gilco candy, giant neon sign in Dotonbori): “I’ve consumed 10,000 pieced of caramel—no one can stop me now!”
▼ Character roster
[ Read in Japanese ]