So you’re in Japan, it’s almost Christmas, but you still don’t have any plans for Christmas Eve and, as we established in a previous article, we know that can only be because you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to spend it with.
Well my lonely friends, there’s still luck! A report recently published by Japanese dairy and sweets company Morinaga Milk Industry reveals that 2 out of 3 people who like sweet foods have plans for Christmas.
We want you to think about the implications of this. In Japan, saying you have plans on Christmas is basically an indirect way of saying you’ll be spending a not-so-silent night on the 24. 66% of people who enjoy sweet foods won’t be spending Christmas alone. It can therefore be deduced that people who eat sweet foods regularly have a 66% chance of getting some action at least one night a year.
So where does the milk carton in the picture above come in?
The carton is actually Morinaga Milk Industries’ latest product and could very well be the key to getting all you benched players back into the dating game.
The product, which can be liberally translated as Morinaga Easy-to-Chug Condensed Milk Au Lait, hit shelves December 13 and is so deliciously sweet that—as the label says—you won’t want to share it with anyone.
In Japan, sweetened condensed milk is a popular product commonly used as a desert topping or even consumed straight from the tube. This Au Lait is actually Morinaga’s latest in a series of condensed milk products, following (translated liberally) Just-Like-Condensed-Milk-From-The-Tube Yogurt and Morinaga Thick-Like-Condensed-Milk Pudding, both released on Dec 6.
At first glance, the Au Lait looks like regular milk. But take a sip and you’ll notice a smooth consistency and flavor just sweet enough to keep you drinking more without feeling weighed down from a sugar overload.
It’s this delicately balanced sweetness that makes the drink so powerful. It taste so damn good you just can’t stop drinking. Your friends ask you for a sip but you can’t take your lips off the carton for a second. You just chug and chug until the last drop slides down your throat and your mouth is left with the blissful aftertaste of sweetened condensed milk.
This is exactly what you need to pump your body with the amount of sugar necessary to make you appealing to the opposite sex. Even those who usually hold back on sweets should be able to take down a carton easily! And even if you don’t fall in the lucky 66% or can’t drink enough to get a date by Christmas Eve, it’s not a bad drink to drown your loneliness in either!
▼ They should call it Condensed Love Potion Au Lait
[ Read in Japanese ]