Japan’s most beloved popsicle, Gari-Gari Kun, is a simple yet delicious combination of kakigori (shaved ice) encased in an ice candy shell. Currently, a limited-edition “Rich Chocolate Vanilla Chocolate Cake” (yes, that’s two chocolates!) Gari-Gari Kun is being sold to promote the March 16 Japan release of Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace 3D.
While “Rich Chocolate Vanilla Chocolate Cake” itself has nothing to do with Star Wars, the wooden stick is branded to look like a light saber and, most importantly, anyone lucky enough to find a stick with “Star Wars Atari” written on it can receive a Star Wars: Episode 1 3D x Gari-Gari Kun original T-shirt!
Now, Japanese people are highly susceptible to words like “limited-edition” and “original.” In my case, throw “Star Wars” in the mix and really I have no other choice but to feed on Gari-Gari Kun bars until I hold a winning stick in my hand.
I have eaten at least 1 Star Wars Gari-Gari Kun bar a day since the promotion began on Feburary 28 but have yet to find a winner. Finding my devout efforts left unrewarded, I began to feel an uncontrollable malice consuming me—I was being pulled into the dark side of the Force.
It was then that I made a decision that I knew would either save me from the dark side or bind me to it forever: I decided to buy and eat 100 Gari-Gari Kun bars at once.
I don’t care how limited in quantity your shirts are, there’s no way buying 100 bars at once won’t yield at least one winning stick…right?
After clearing out the inventory of 7 different convenience stores, I was finally able to amass 100 Star Wars Gari-Gari Kun bars. I had the whole afternoon left and it was time to get to work.
After meditating to coordinate my midi-chlorians in preparation for the trial that lay before me, I decided to start by eating 5 bars before lunch. My body temperature seemed to drop and I didn’t find a winning stick, but I feel like I’m off to a good start.
I decided real food was throw off my concentration and ate another 5 bars for lunch. My colleagues are looking at me with concern and still no winning stick, but patience and endurance are needed for those who follow the Jedi path.
Another 5 bars for afternoon snack. My breath is musky with chocolate, which I thought may be pleasing to the ladies. Turns out it isn’t. Still no winning stick.
I went to the restroom after eating another 5 bars and, looking in the mirror, I noticed my lips have turned purple. Still no winning stick.
I forced down another 5 bars. My body won’t stop shivering and I fear this training may be more dangerous than I had originally thought. No winning stick.
Another 5 bars, another 5 non-winning sticks. My coworkers say I’ve become delusional and took away the remaining 70 bars, but I used a Jedi mind trick to make them eat the rest for me. Fools.
But still, even 100 Gari-Gari Kun bars later, we didn’t find a winning stick…
Perhaps I require more Jedi training. Perhaps I just have bad luck. In either case, I feel betrayed. 100 bars and not 1 T-shirt? Did the T-shirts even exist in the first place?
I think anyone who truly desires the original T-shirt would best be off forming a council and having each member buy 100 bars. You need to think in the triple digits, lest you end up like me.
Now go, and may the Force be with you.
For more info on the promotion, check the Gari-Gari Kun official site.
▼ Meditating before the trial.
▼ “With great power comes great responsibility”
▼ Mr. Satoh’s fall to the dark side/ the birth of Darth Satoh.
▼ The “shirt”
[ Read in Japanese ]