Looking to get lucky with the ladies but can’t seem to get anything going? Has every date you’ve been on died in the water? Then this guide may be for you.

The following are the 10 most fundamental rules when dealing with women on any level of intimacy compiled on the Japanese blog Nanapi.  For many men, many of the rules will seem like no-brainers.  However, there is a reason this list was created – most women have experienced one or more of these things!

So while most of you guys think you’re not a dummy when it comes to women, you might be surprised.  Chances are a vast majority of guys are dummies in one way or another. Or is it just Japanese guys?

Don’t Profusely Inquire How Many Partner’s She’s Had in the Past

The answer doesn’t really matter because whether is a big or small number, it’s not the kind of information she’s into giving out.  Particularly after just meeting, some guys seem comfortable to broach this subject as if they were asking your favorite color.

Granted women have curiosity to so can deal with this to a degree.  Their style is to gradually uncover such information if they choose delicately.  Unfortunately some guys have all the delicacy of a monkey wrench to the face.

Keep Your Mitts to Yourself

If the woman’s not into a guy then his touch is about as appealing as that of a homeless man who just picked his butt.  The result is often a squinting of the face and a physical attempt to melt into the floor to escape.

For most guys it’s a matter of just being patient and waiting for the woman to develop an interest.  Other guys might have been coming off of past relationships where the woman complained of not enough hand-holding, cuddling and whatnot.

That’s the trick. You have to wait for that time when they decide to flick that switch in their not be repulsed by you.  Then you’re golden. Then, after about 5 years of marriage, your touch reverts back to that of a dead octopus.

Eyes Forward Soldier

At this point in the list you might be thinking, “come on, I know all this.” But even the most stalwart of men surely have fallen victim to this trap before.

Unfortunately breasts are like… breasts… to guys.  That’s it. There is nothing in the world that would draw a man’s attention more than breasts.  The cruel cosmic joke to this is that looking at breasts makes them go away (unless a monetary arrangement was made).  The women attached to them don’t appreciate it either.

Seriously though, even if you are professing your sincere, undying love to a woman, if she catches just a peek below the neck line then everything you said is instantly cheapened to a pick up line.

Porn isn’t the Best Dinner Conversation

I haven’t done the hard research but I’m going to go on a limb and say most women don’t like porn.  So chances are the woman you are thinking of talking to about it doesn’t either. Some guys might think it makes them sound sensual but from the ladies perspective, they just come off creepy.

I knew a guy like this who figured that if he brought up adult entertainment and the woman responded then he was in for a quick good time.  It actually worked every once in a while but it’s hardly a course I would recommend if you’re looking for mass appeal or that special someone.

Outline Your Sexual Skill Set [Real or Imaginary]

“After I’m finished with a woman, her kidneys hurt.”

If you weren’t disgusted or creeped-out by that sentence even a little, shame on you.  Woman or man we all tend to look at the floor and think of an excuse to leave when someone starts talking like that.

So of course women get turned off by boasts of sexual superpowers. Not only is it usually providing them with unpleasant images, it suggests the neediness of a used car salesman.

Give a Girl a Drink, She Knows What You’re Doing

While buying someone a drink or offering to refill their glass at a bar seems like a classy thing to do, when a guy does it for a woman the charade is up.  Even if a man is giving free alcohol to a woman with purely noble intentions (it’s statistically more likely he’s the king of werewolves), his gesture is guaranteed to be interpreted is as attempting to lower her guard for some foul play.  Let the lady set the drinking pace.

If a Woman is Dressed Provocatively, Don’t Assume She’s Provoking You

Some guys like to challenge this logic, saying that if I dressed like an elk and walked through a lion’s den I’m assuming a certain risk simply for their choice of clothes.

The fallacy in those analogies is that the male’s role is always reduced to animals or criminals.  It also comes dangerously close to condoning rape.

Regardless, if your goal is to be more popular with women, challenging their principles probably won’t get you very far – unless they file a restraining order.

Don’t Work Blue

Remember that killer joke your cousin joey told you about the hooker and the priest in a motel room? Keep it to yourself.  Sure guys can appreciate a dirty joke any day, but a lot of women tend to shy away from that stuff, and the more graphic the material, the more you should not say it.

That’s not to say some women can’t get into bawdy jokes either, but hold those comedic chestnuts you’re storing until you have of solid grasp of the gal’s sensibilities.

Don’t Express Your Preferences Regarding Body Hair

You might have your preferences regarding hirsute arrangements it’s not a topic easily ventured into.  Even if you have been in a long term relationship it’s a request that should be made as delicately as humanly possible.  Women can be much more sensitive about this stuff than guys realize.

If a woman asked you to shave your legs, you might think it’s weird, and whether you agree or not you’re not likely to get upset by the request. This doesn’t work both ways.

You Stopped Looking at Them, Now Stop Talking About Them

Okay, so you’ve managed to avoid looking at the breasts, but now the pressure is probably building to a point where you have what’s clinically known as booby Tourette’s.

Some guys aren’t aware that many women tend to be highly sensitive about their chest areas’ size and configuration. Many women also don’t realize that most guys don’t care so much about size either, we just like that they’re around.

So simply bringing up the subject of breasts in any context is sure to open a Pandora’s box of neuroses best avoided.  In fact, even if the woman brings up breasts, it’s highly recommended you change the subject fast. Don’t take the bait!

Obviously these rules won’t guarantee success with women.  If you are looking for a long term commitment it’s a long journey of ups and downs full of pitfalls.  If you’re more into short term engagements, seduction is an art that only a talented few can execute properly.  These rules are simply to get you in on the ground floor without putting your foot in your mouth.

Source: nanapi via Niconico News (Japanese)