Otome Sugoren, a Japanese women’s website featuring love and advice columns, has just released a list of nine ways for boyfriends to enjoy playing video games with their girlfriends. The article explains, “there are so many men who love to play video games, but what’s a non-gaming girlfriend to do? These boyfriends make the mistake of inviting their girlfriend to play without knowing how to have fun with a beginner.” To help out all those hardcore gaming boyfriends, Sugoren asked female readers to take a survey and outlined the best way men can help their non-gamer girl have a fun time playing video games.

The following are the top nine responses to Otome Sugoren’s survey, along with reasons why this author, a gaming girl herself, thinks these women are idiots.

1) “Have lots of patience and be kind to your girlfriend while teaching her how to play a game”

Judging from an overwhelming amount of responses, women are glad to be taught how to play video games from their boyfriend and feel that it is a bonding experience as long as he can keep his cool.

▲It takes the patience of 20 normal men to not lose it while playing with someone like that

2) “Occasionally lose on purpose”

The women surveyed said that it’s no fun to lose all the time, even if their partner is a lot better than they are. They also added that they like to win once in a while too, but it’s also not fun to just be handed a win. Therefore they suggest that men should occasionally play with a handicap and make it appear that their girlfriend legitimately beat them.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve punched my husband (not in the face, don’t worry) because I thought he let me win a game. You gotta earn the win, ladies!!!

3) “Prepare snacks and juice and other surprises for your girlfriend”

If your girlfriend likes sweets, have some candies on hand to ensure that even if she isn’t having fun playing video games, she’ll still have fun eating sweets. It’s best to prepare some of her favorite snacks as well as some new items to make her happy.

We are not five years old. I don’t need a juice box after I annihilate someone with a headshot. Next, these girls will probably ask for a nap. WEAK!

4) “Buy a game with your girlfriend”

One woman in her twenties commented, “I think I’d have more fun if I knew the game.” An advanced gamer boyfriend may like a certain type of game, but it’s hard to tell what your girlfriend will like. If you can, why not bring your girlfriend along to pick out a game that she finds interesting.

No way man. Letting a non-gaming girl pick out a video game will not end well. It’s like when your girlfriend chooses the Miami Dolphins to win in your friend’s football pool because she likes cuddly sea creatures. If you don’t know what you’re doing, your right to choose should and will be revoked.

5) “Play in intervals and take lots of breaks so your girlfriend doesn’t get too tired”

“I’m not used to staring at the screen for a long time, so my eyes hurt,” answered one woman. Guys who can go all night playing games may not understand, but your girlfriend will get tired from playing after a while. Keep an eye out for a good spot to take a break after playing for 30 minutes to an hour. Your girlfriend will appreciate it.

If you’re tired, you can stop playing and watch.

6) “When you lose a mission together, laugh it off and never get mad”

“I can’t believe you’re getting mad and yelling at me…you’re the one who invited me to come play with you!” said one teen, recalling her gaming session with her boyfriend. We realize that seasoned gamer boyfriends will get irritated at their beginner girlfriends for making mistakes. But you’re likely to traumatize your girlfriend if you yell at her while playing games. Try not to get angry and keep your cool even if you lose a level.

Ahahahah! We’ve spent two hours trying to defeat Bowser, but you’ve made us lose every time with your awful playing. lolz!

7) “Avoid sequels of game series that your girlfriend isn’t familiar with”

“Even if it’s a really famous game, if there’s six sequels to the franchise, I have no idea what’s going on,” commented one woman who was surveyed. Just because a video game is guaranteed to be interesting, if it’s in the middle of a series, you probably shouldn’t play it together. If you would like to play a game with many series, how about starting from the very first one?

Maybe if you paid a little more attention, you’d figure out what’s going on. Ever thought about that?

8) “Even if you are engrossed in a game, if your girlfriend is not, you should stop immediately.”

It often happens that while guys are really in to a game, girlfriends aren’t so interested. If you play an uninteresting game for a long time, it’s possible that your girlfriend won’t play with you again. It’s best to keep an eye on your girlfriend’s reaction to the game, and stop immediately if she’s not enjoying herself.

That’s okay, he probably doesn’t want to play with you again, either.

9) “Clear the game for your girlfriend if it’s a particularly hard part”

Many girls are troubled because they can’t finish a game by themselves. If you see your girlfriend struggling with a difficult part of the game, offer to trade places and play for her.

Alright, I admit it. My husband has cleared a level for me before, but only after I slammed down the controller in anger. Don’t judge me, you know you’ve all done it.  

So there you have it. Nine ways to “enjoy” video games with your incompetent…I mean, non-gaming girlfriend.

If you ask me, if you have no business gaming, stay off the console. And that’s not to say that all girls who have never picked up a controller should stay away. We all started out as newbies, so it’s understandable that there’s a certain period of time it takes to learn the ropes. But if you’re the kind of girl that’s going to demand ridiculous things like juice and stopping to play altogether after 30 minutes, no man is going to want to play with you. Also, there’s nothing more frustrating than having to wait for a newbie to figure out that one stick controls movement and the other controls where you look, let alone how to switch weapons or reload. So if you’re a girl and you can’t game but don’t want to put in the proper effort to get better, don’t even bother playing. Nagging at your boyfriend to go easy on you or to let you pick out a game is not the answer. He might even break up with you after your horrible, whiny gaming session.  I would.

Source: Otome Sugoren