It’s really difficult to hate on Japan’s toddler-level comprehension of English. A lot of the time it really is like watching a small child, perhaps one babbling incomprehensibly into a small plastic Playskool cellphone, doing their best to mimic the sounds the grown-ups make when they do the same. They look silly doing it, but by god are they trying.

Of course, even the endearing charm of Japanese Engrish can quickly turn into the worst kind of awkward when it’s used in over-the-top, inappropriate settings. The video below is the perfect example of this.

As usual, make sure you’ve got your headphones in and no one is around the computer screen.

The video is the opening movie and theme song for 2006 Japanese erotic game Neko Kawaigari, or “Dote up a Cat,” as it’s known in English. We don’t know what it means to “dote up a cat” either, but after watching this video we’re pretty sure it’s illegal in most developed countries.

The game itself takes place in a world where humans with cat and dog ears are the norm. Players assume the role of Jack, a dog-eared doctor’s assistant at a small suburban medical clinic. Jack happens to be the only male working at the clinic and, as such, he is one day entrusted with an important task that only he can do: sexually satisfying the cat-eared patients that go into heat. Jack questions the morality of his new role, but tells himself that this to is a part of his duty as a medical caretaker.

A glance at the Japanese Wikipedia article reveals that there’s actually a lot more to the story, including an explanation for why humans have animal ears and, believe it or not, what it actually means to “dote up” something (it has to do with a deadly disease that threatens humanity’s very existence. No joke.). We don’t want to give away too many spoilers, so be sure to pick up the game online at Getchu.com to find out yourself.

Just remember: while there’s more than one way to skin a cat, there’s only one way to dote one.

Source: 13cm.jp (NSFW), Youtube

■ Listen to the extended version below:

■ The theme song has even spawned fan covers! See if you can listen the whole way while keeping a straight face!