Six years ago, a man inviting a group of girls to come and play with his Wii would probably have resulted in face slapping and a visit from the police, but here in 2012 everyone and their dog knows what a Wii is. And now, with the launch of the new Wii U, the next generation of remote-wielding gaming featuring a touchscreen-equipped controller, nerdy men the world over have a new toy to lure girls into their homes with.
The console supports up to four Wii remotes, plus the new touchscreen contoller, meaning that it’s one of the most group-oriented games consoles ever made, and just begs to be played by whole families or groups of friends.
But since RocketNews24 Japan‘s closest Wii U-owning pal (who we shall refer only as WiiMan to protect his nerdy identity) is a self-confessed part-time hemit and only ever gets to see the single-player modes of his games, he called his friend Kaori and invited her over for some multiplayer fun.
“A Wii U!?” Kaori said excitedly, “Definitely! I’ll bring my band friends with me! Don’t worry, they’re all cute.”
From home alone to a night of videogames with five cute girls in 90 seconds. WiiMan couldn’t believe his luck!
With the band gathered in his apartment and settled in front of his giant TV, WiiMan couldn’t help but smile. “The Wii U!” he thought, “It’s a goldmine!”
It turns out, though, that the new Nintendo is perhaps a bit too much of a hit with the ladies. With the five girls taking up every available controller, WiiMan soon found himself relegated to making cups of tea and looking on as they laughed, giggled and gasped through the multiplayer-friendly games he’d provided.
The evening wasn’t a total washout, though; this provided us with a ton of useful information to pass on to you, our dear readers…
- Nintendo Land Wins Girls’ Hearts
“I have to admit I’d never heard of their band,” said WiiMan. “But under the pretence of giving them a little exposure – and wanting to prove to our readers that girls actually come to my home sometimes – my RocketNews pals started taking snaps.” The Doppelganger girls, as they’re called on stage, couldn’t care less, though; they were already engrossed in Nintendo Land, which features a series of mini games themed like Nintendo’s existing IPs.
The girls were especially impressed with the Luigi’s Ghost Mansion ghost hunting levels and Chase Mii, with the games the ideal length of time for short bursts and plenty of controller passing.
“Any man hoping to entertain girls at home needs to get Nintendo Land!” WiiMan laughed.
- All Smiles for New Super Mario Bros U
Nintendo Land may have exhiliarted, but when it came to all-out concentration and constant smiles, New Super Mario Bros U was the clear winner.
“I was given the Wii U pad and had the minor responsibility of following after the girls’ characters,” tells WiiMan. “But with four of them running around all at once, boy was I busy!”
Using the controller to add platforms to help the girls navigate the levels as well as keep them from falling to thier death, WiiMan was glued to the controller’s touchscreen and was barely had chance to witness the band’s desperate facial expressions as they hopped, sprinted and vaulted through Mario’s new worlds.
- Dogsbody Mii
But when all was said and done, our videogame-loving pal still felt a little left out. Is this the price one has to pay for owning a Wii U? The power to entice cute women to your home only to be immediatlely swept aside by the radiance of Mario and pals!?
“Following after the girls’ characters and helping them out was fun, but when I really thought about it, I was just the odd-jobs guy,” he lamented. “Don’t get me wrong; it was nice to feel like they needed my help, but still…”
- Even us Nerdy Guys have a Chance!
OK, so you might well find yourself relagated to a supporting role if you invite them to come and play, but it’s as plain as day that girls love the Wii U. “And when you’re about as lucky with the ladies as I usually am,” our man confesses, “having something in the house to keep them entertained is always a bonus!”
So if you’re a gamer and worried that your family will roll their eyes when you return with yet another new games console under your arm, rest assured that there’s probably something here that will appeal to even the most game-shy. And if you’re a gamer hoping to win a girl over with your new toy? Well, it’ll at least keep her entertained until it’s time for the last train home.
We’ll leave you now with a few snaps from WiiMan’s night with the lovely Doppelganger girls. Proof, if any more were needed, that five girls really are too much for one man to handle all at once.
Buy Wii U = Get Girls (sort of)
▼The new touchscreen controller keeping one band member very busy
▼ The built-in camera captures players’ faces as they play
▼WiiMan finally gets a turn.
▼ o O (Sigh. That looks like fun.)
▼ ”WiiMan! Platform!” “Yes, my queen!”
▼Left: Odd-job guy Right: actual players
▼A rare moment looking away from the TV
▼Chase Mii proved to be a ton of fun with five players
▼Girls love that gamepad!
▼”I’m making tea. Who wants one?”
[ Read in Japanese ]