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Pop psychology is popular in Japan.  If you’ve lived long enough in this country you will most certainly have had a conversation about which blood type you are and whether you match the personality type for it. There are books and more books written on what it means to be a certain blood type.

Along the same lines, Japanese psychology councilor Toshikazu Asano believes there is deep meaning in the way men chose to brew their morning cup of Joe.

Niconico news sat down with Mr. Asano and asked him to explain how the darkness of the coffee we brew can reflect the very darkness brewing in our hearts (figuratively speaking, of course).

Just a little bit curious? Read on and see what he has to say about how telling brewing coffee really is.

Mr. Asano prefaces his analysis by claiming that, while there are both countless male and female coffee lovers all over the world, it’s generally males who are more particular about how coffee is made—which is why their true colors are revealed when doing so.  According to Mr. Asano, being particular about things in general reveals negativity in a person, and if you observe his process of coffee brewing you will see his negativity towards love and relationships.

^See anything yet?  It must not work through pictures…

That said, let’s take a look at the different methods of preparing coffee and what they reveal about the person using them. Mr. Asano explains:

【Drip Coffee Machines】

“You can’t go wrong with machine-brewed coffee.  People who use machines to brew coffee like to play it safe and avoid taking risks.  They are good at using common sense and, when it comes to love life, are particular about first impressions.  But they compromise easily in relationships in order to stay on the safe side.  They fear the unknown  and fear being different from everybody else. They are sensitive to fighting.  The best thing you can do for them is to tell them they are not alone in their fears and that everything will be alright.  They will like you better for it.”

【Handheld Paper Drip】

“People who always insists on pouring hot water over the coffee grounds themselves show an artificiality in which they have a deep-seeded complex about.  They protect themselves with strict control in order to hide their insecurities.  They don’t give in easily, so don’t push too hard.  However, they believe it their duty to take good care of their girlfriends, so if you be sure to avoid pressing their buttons you will surely get along great.”

【Coffee Press/ French Press】

“The act of pressing coffee psychologically represents oppression.  (Of course!)  It signifies that something oppressive is happening in their lives.  The desire to express themselves is smoldering in that repression.  When it comes to relationships they are perfectionists and have built up ideal loves and expectations of love inside themselves.  They are easily hurt when their expectations aren’t met.  The best way to deal with this person is no to be critical and silently watch over them.”

【Siphon Coffee Maker】

“Making coffee the way the pros do, one cup at a time, is a sign of super self sufficiency.  Deciding, on their own, how much coffee to use, the heat source and strength of the flame, the time to let it steep—every factor depends on them.  These kinds of people don’t like to ask for help.  In love, they are romanticists, making clear their own likes and dislikes and expecting acceptance.  They like to be in charge of a relationship.  They might be too domineering but they might also make for a very exciting romance.”

【Instant Coffee】

“All you have to do here is pour hot water over powdered coffee, which you’ve poured into a cup.  Very easy.  What this signifies is that a person can’t be bothered with anything more difficult.  People who prefer this method of making coffee want to get the bothersome things in their lives out of the way quickly.  In relationships, they tend to distance themselves from their partner to avoid commitment.  They can’t enjoy the process of building a relationship and hate to be kept waiting.  In dealing with this kind of person, it is best to show them that love isn’t difficult, but a beautiful thing.”

Thus concludes Mr. Asano’s Coffee Horoscopes 101.  What do you think?

Remember, it’s all in good fun, so feel free to call him out for being a commitaphobe the next time he breaks open the Folgers.  And who’s to say that these techniques don’t apply to women as well!

Enjoy your coffee, any way you make it!

Source: Niconico News
Header Image: The Art of Making Coffee, Inset Images: Chuckle-A-Duck, Make Good Coffee