When a group of guys get together it’s not uncommon for the topic of conversation to turn to sex. Whether it’s true stories or just some blue jokes, the conversation will naturally float into X-rated territory every now and then.
And though some pretend it’s not the case, women can be equally, if not more explicit when it comes to talking about sex. I could pull some columns from major women’s magazines that would make you swear you were reading Penthouse Forum. This is all without mentioning that 50 Shades of Pervy series that all you gals are into these days.
While boy and girls are well and fine speaking of naughty things among the same gender for some reason, when we cross paths, the topic of sex becomes a minefield of inappropriateness. Topics of conversation guys would think nothing of bringing up with each other could easily become actionable in a court of law when in the presence of a woman.
NicoNico News recently went in search of that think blue line between appropriate and not ways to approach mature subject matter in the company of mixed genders. Let’s see what they found.
After asking several young adult women how they felt about male co-workers and friends talking about sex in their presence, NicoNico found that some women felt that there are boundaries when discussing the subject. Here are some of the ways men can talk about sex in the presence of a lady without having a drink thrown in their face.
Passable Sex Talk Techniques
“Graphic language like naming specific body parts doesn’t fly with me. Clean up the language and I’m okay.”
- Sense of Humor
“If they keep things light and witty then I can enjoy it.”
- Talk About Loved Ones
“If they are trying to ask another woman for help with their wife or girlfriend, I like that.”
- Out Drinking
“If I’m out drinking with good friends then I’m fine with things getting a little personal.”
- Slow Build-Up
“There are stages to getting dirty. If they approach sex gradually then it’s comfortable.”
These seem like reasonable requests. If you’re going to venture into questionable material in your stories or jokes make sure you do it in a witty well-paced manner. In fact I’d be happy if everyone told all their stories and jokes in that manner.
But it’s not a perfect world and we’re not all Mark Twain on Ritalin. The best of us makes regrettable comments from time to time.
Perhaps it’s more realistic to take a look at the lower borderline of what’s unacceptable and may earn guys a restraining order.
Prohibited Sex Talk Techniques
- Conquest Stories
“When guys tell stories of how they got with easy women, they think it sounds cool. It sounds pathetic to me.”
“Guys endlessly talking about how good they are in bed? No thanks.”
- Naming Names
“’**** won’t put out’ or ‘**** does this in bed’ kind of talk about specific people makes me uncomfortable.”
“When a guy poorly imitates the voice of a woman other guys laugh, I just feel bad.”
“If a guy wants to go on and on about himself then fine. But if he starts pushing me for information…”
- Shock Talk
“Guys who talk about sexual things just so they can get a reaction are disgusting.”
Again, these seem like reasonable requests. I think I can go without imitating women or talking about how awesome I am in the sack. Although I do have this one move where… Ah… never mind.
On the other hand, with regards to the last point; saying shocking things can be fun sometimes. If no one ever did shocking things life would be pretty boring. Heck this website is largely built around shocking things. So how do we keep the spontaneity while not offending?
Many of the women who were interviewed by NicoNico mentioned that if the man shows respect for women in his daily life then he can get away with quite a bit of dirty talk.
Apologies for being US-centric but it’s hard to ignore Howard Stern in this matter – a man who built a hugely successful mainstream career on exactly this type of conversation. The reason that he was able to win over both men and women, gay and straight is that they could all see a good person at his core – not by what he says, but how he leads his life.
That’s really the heart of the matter. Were all people and as long as we respect each other as much as possible when it really matters, we can probably get away with any of the transgressions listed above.
Then again, what do I know? I had phone sex with a panda.