santa crash

With just seven days to go, children the world over are without a doubt already finding it hard to sleep at night. Will Santa (or Father Christmas as I grew up calling him) arrive? Have I been good enough this year? Does he know about the things I did with Jane Steepleton in her tree house during the summer?

Let’s hope that we’ve all been good boys and girls and that the big man in red will pay us all a visit, unlike one unfortunate individual who found himself giftless on Christmas day one year and took to Japan’s Chiebukuro Yahoo! Answers forums to ask the nation simply: “Where is Santa!?”

no santa

Despite dating back to 2006, this entry to Japan’s Yahoo! Answers forum should serve as a warning that Christmases, wherever you live, can be ruined quicker than you can say “Rudolph”. And what’s more, we have to wonder what kind of man Santa really is to let this happen.

On Christmas morning, there were no presents under one Japanese netizen’s tree. The mince pies and glass of sherry remained untouched, the carrots placed outside un-nibbled. What gives!?

“Santa hasn’t come!” the forlorn internet user writes. “I’ve been good all year, and yet he still doesn’t come. What could have happened!?”

Thankfully, Santa’s elves don’t just sit around painting wooden toys with their beards any more; they’re online 24/7 and always keeping abreast of all things Christmas. In a flash, a representative from Santa’s workshop got in touch with the concerned party.

▼ The “Best Answer” received on the Yahoo! Answers forum

santa's representative

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the best news:

I am here to convey an urgent message from Santa.

Unfortunately, while en-route to your house, Santa was involved in a head-on collision with another sleigh. I do not have detailed information at the present time, but it is my understanding that it was a serious accident. Thankfully, Santa escaped with only minor injuries, but I am sad to say that his sleigh, reindeer, and all of the presents he was carrying were rendered useless in the crash. Santa tells me that, due to the circumstances, he now has to make his way to your home on foot. 

With regard to your present – and please accept my most sincere apologies for this – in place of the Playstation 3 that Santa had planned to deliver, we would like to present you with small piece of reindeer meat.

Had Santa been drinking? Was his sleigh insurance up to date before the crash? Why was he so quick to butcher his four-legged friends?

Wherever you are for Christmas this year, be sure to look both ways before crossing the street, and perhaps leave a glass of milk alongside the cookies or mince pies instead of an alcoholic beverage. Fingers crossed that Christmas 2012 works out for all of us!

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[ Read in Japanese ]