likesandpaper

Boy have we got a good dose of internet for you today.

The title of this article really explains everything there is to know about what follows below: a Switzerland-based YouTube user by the name of Melon Pan has uploaded a 25-minute video of himself licking his entire anime figure collection. 

Sitting through the entire video is an arduous affair (because of the unrelentling sexual energy it exudes, of course), but the English subtitles matched against Melon Pan’s enthusiastic German narration make for 24kt comedy gold.

We particularly enjoy his one-sided dialogues with the silent cameraman, “dear Kartoffel”, as they make him sound like a clichéd eccentric German scientist — which, judging from his white lab coat, is probably what he’s going for.

dearkartoffel

By the end of his “experiment”, Melon Pan has licked what must be close to 100 figures, most of which he admits “taste like shit”. The video also provides a great tour of his swinging otaku pad, and we can’t imagine how many francs this guy has invested in all that mangaa and anime paraphernalia.

We’ve screen-capped a few of the highlights from the video, but if you’ve got a few buddies looking for a good laugh, we’re pretty sure this is why Google developed Hangouts.

thespear

thepantsu

dusty

slimeystrawberries

^After licking the tentacles of a “tentacle rape monster”

humpit

^ Of all things in his apartment to hump, he humps the miniature plastic table.

gettingtired

^ But we aren’t Melon Pan. We aren’t.

suckdoor

^ At the end of the video, Melon Pan treats us to some door handle-sucking action.

Am I the only one that needed a smoke after watching that?

Source: YouTube

▼ Be sure to check Melon Pan’s other videos for more wackiness like this:

yup

▼ And this:

wtf

▼ But not this. This is from his Flickr:

8394725839_90e534af03_z

▼He even does an English video every once in a while: