Did you know that Star Wars: Episode I was distributed by Mac and had Arnold Schwarzenegger reprising his role as Dutch from Predator?

Of course not because it’s not true, but how great would it be if it had been. This and the other images below of bootleg DVDs from China have been circulating the web for some time now. However, among all the laughter, people are overlooking the valuable lessons Hollywood studios could stand to learn from them.

Without exception, all of these comically mislabeled and wantonly Photoshopped covers improved on their originals.

Lesson number one can be seen in this cover for Matrix Reloaded.

I saw the movie a few times before, yet now I can’t help wanting to see it again. Even though I know that naked chick isn’t in it I feel compelled to check it out. She could have been in the background somewhere… maybe in that crappy over-length rave scene.

Either way putting this woman on the cover of any movie will guarantee sales. For instance, try getting a guy to watch rom-com The Perfect Man with Hilary Duff.  Now try with this DVD cover.

Actually the real fake DVD cover looks like this which leads us to the next lesson – truth in advertising.

Normally I would avoid this movie like the plague because it’s presented to me under the pretense of a legitimate work of cinematic art. But this cover lays it all out on the table in a refreshing way.

We all sometimes feel like watching an “idiotic plot” with “awesome stupidity” as this case proudly proclaims. So next time I’m huffing glue I know exactly what to look for and the cast of The Perfect Man gets another royalty. It’s win-win!

Here’s another example from the movie Prime, which must be short for a “prime example of how not to make a movie” according to Eleanor Ringel Gillespie.

If the record breaking revenue of last year’s The Avengers movie has taught us anything, it’s that crossovers mean big bucks. So what other franchises can be slammed together like a train wreck of success?

As if Harry Potter joining the fellowship of the ring wasn’t enough, they slapped on some Pirates of the Caribbean for good measure.

This feature was intended to be called Game of Thornes but interestingly enough was misspelled correctly.

And of course the all-star combination of Tom Cruise, Sandra Bullock, that lady whose name I don’t know but I’ve seen in a lot of movies before, the house from Jaws, and the Warriors in the timeless epic Pepe Likes Tacos.

I have no idea what Pepe Likes Tacos is but oh god do I want to see it. Also, from this day forward, I guarantee that anytime someone mentions Tom Cruise we will all think of Pepe Likes Tacos.

Finally, the last lesson is taking the art of movie promotion to experimental new levels by inserting subtle messages that the sophisticated viewers can pick up on.

…or is there?

Apparently quite a bit was lost in this translation including Bill Murray and Japan. This clever marketing must have helped the film earn the coveted “Golden Choice Award for Best Picture.”  I hear Ricky Crystal is hosting this year’s ceremony.

While apparently The Loin King II: Simba’s Pride is “Not as good as the first one but ok,” it continues Disney’s tradition of hiding dirty themes in their works. If it hasn’t jumped out at you yet please keep staring at this cover. Then you’ll see what Simba’s pride really is.

On this DVD of Matrix Reloaded the real subtext of the film is finally explained to all. I was always telling my stud at the breeding club; “Dude this is just like Matrix Reloaded right now!”

This DVD cover for Scarface seems to have accidentally used the synopsis from The Exorcist.

Or is it really showing us the similarities between the two movies? Here, take this quick quiz and guess who said the line; Tony Montana or the Demon-Regan.

1)    “You know what? Fuck you!”
2)    “Stick your cock up her ass, you motherfucking worthless cocksucker.”
3)    “Shove it up your ass, you faggot!”
4)    “Fuck ‘em all! I bury those cockroaches!”
5)    “Your mother sucks cock in hell!”
6)    “Pelican, pelican, pelican, pelican…”

Now that we’ve explored the innovation presented by these pioneering Chinese designers, let’s go back to the real world and take a look at a photo I took of the official Japanese release of the movie Memento staring noted screen actor Guy Pierce.

mementoclosememento

So while Hollywood continues to follow tired methods of advertising such as outing Emmy Award winning actors, rest assured real cutting edge creativity can be found in the streets of Shanghai.

Source: Pixfans (Spanish) via Gizmodo (Japanese)
Memento Image: RocketNews24
Quiz Answers: 1) Tony 2) Demon 3) Demon 4) Tony 5) Demon 6) Tony

When I finally do join the Wu-Tang Clan I’m calling myself “HOSOLO, The etcwarrionr”

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