On 21 February, reports of a loud “Phfffft” sound were heard around the world. Experts traced the source of this sound back to the anal sphincters of millions of Chinese netizens simultaneously shuddering upon hearing this tale of a bike ride gone terribly, terribly wrong.
According to China’s tt.mop and weibo.com websites, the young student was riding to the first day of school for the year. It was a day young students all around looked forward to as one of hope, learning and new experiences.
But for one boy his first bike ride to school was to become anyone’s worst nightmare.
In what must have been a one-in-a-billion fall, the bicycle’s seat got bent over exposing a cold, merciless steel rod which penetrated the boy’s buttocks. The seat was unable to be removed.
Firefighters were called to the scene and used the Jaws of Life to detach much of the bicycle from the boy’s rear end. He was then taken to hospital by ambulance with a large portion of the bike still emerging from his butt.
Thankfully medical staff was able to remove the bike from the boy’s anus and he was released without serious injury… Well, physical injury at least. Mental scarring is expected to be terminal.
When the story hit Japanese websites, readers responded with a range of emotions from “Ack” and “Eeeeish” to “Gyaaaaa!”
When asked about the procedure of removing the steel frame from the young man’s rectum a doctor replied: “Rectum? It damn near killed him!”