I think I speak for all of the male writers here at RocketNews24 when I say that we have no trouble finding dates. For example, I’m so attractive that I have to beat women off with a stick. Or, was it that the last woman I asked out beat me with a stick? Sorry, my memory is a little fuzzy these days. Probably from being hit in the head with sticks.
But for our loyal readers who lack my powerful pheromones (B.O. is a kind of pheromone, right?), we present seven tips for attracting girls in Japan, as originally compiled by Niconico News.
1. When you’re out with a girl, remember, ladies first
Open doors for her, and when waiting in line, let her go ahead of you.
2. Protect her
Of course, unless you’ve got some pretty unique taste in date locations, you’re unlikely to run across any super villains or war zones. But even mundane dates offer the opportunity to protect her from the elements by holding an umbrella for her so she doesn’t get wet or offering her the shady seat at an outdoor café on a sunny day. When walking in the rain, staying on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street will keep her from getting splashed by passing cars, plus allow you to use yourself as a human shield should one jump onto the curb.
3. Be sexy
Among other things, the women surveyed said they found guys sexy when they were smoking, taking off their neckties, and unbuttoning their shirts. Apparently, nothing drives them wild like a lung cancer patient prepping for surgery.
4. Act like a caring older brother
The women surveyed said that from a young age they liked being treated like they were cute and having someone watching over them, such as an older brother taking care of his kid sister. Of course, it’s important for the man to at least maintain the appearance of chasteness in this.
5. Help her out
Women like a man who will help them in pinch. In order to show this side of your personality, you can carry their bags for them, or help them reach things in high places. The women surveyed were also impressed when men drove off (or squashed) any bugs that showed up to spoil the mood, proving that the responsibility of insect-killing falling to men is a cultural phenomenon that transcends national borders.
6. Be attentive to those around you
Of course, being a helpful person isn’t limited to taking care of your date. Many Japanese men like a woman who is sensitive to the needs of those around her, and Japanese women appreciate this same quality in a guy. If you’re riding an elevator, ask the other passengers which floor they’re headed to and hit the button for them. If you’re at a restaurant for diner that serves family-style, ask everyone else what they’d like to eat before you charge ahead and ask the waiter for the cured ham, mixed sausage plate, and ginger pork. And if you’re out for drinks and spot someone in the group who needs a refill, offer to get one for them when you put in your next order.
7. Show some skin
If you’ve got confidence in your bod, you can score some points by showing it off. On a hot day, strip down to a tank top. Likewise, if your outer layers get wet from the rain, you can peel them off and walk around in your undershirt. In less formal situations, such as barbeques, a sudden shift to complete nakedness from the waist up can really excite the girls. That said, the survey revealed no instances where it’s OK to suddenly remove your pants in the middle of a date.
By now, our more socially-astute readers have probably noticed that some of this advice, particularly “act like her older sibling” and “spontaneously get naked,” seem to carry a huge risk of getting you shot down, if not reported to the police. Online commenters picked up on this too, and gave this important qualifier to all of the advice:
But we’ve got that part down, right? …right?