All over the internet we often see examples of the wonders that can be done with Photoshop and a little artistic talent. It’s enough to make you wonder what the limits of this photo processing software are.
The zebra and lego brick-hiding Twitter experimenters at Japanese website Omocoro believe they have found the ultimate test of Photoshop’s abilities. In this challenge they dare a Photoshop professional to turn one of their writers, named “Mankind’s All-time Foulest Beast”, into the epitome of female beauty using his software.
One day in July…
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I’m your host Yoppy. Tonight we will be pitting the forces of nature against the might of human technology in the ultimate showdown. Tonight we will answer the question if Photoshop can transform even the ugliest lump of human flesh into a beauty envied by all.
Who will win?
– We give a professional Photoshop artist original photos of Mankind’s All-Time Foulest Beast.
– The artist may use the full potential of his technology to improve a photo.
– The artist wins if he creates an amazing beauty with one of the photos! The beast wins if it cannot be done.
Now let’s see the contenders.
Mankind’s All-Time Foulest Beast – Omocoro Writer Rikkue
Representing humanity, Rikkue is a rare specimen. He was once examined by a team of American genetic engineers who determined him to be “the worst possible alignment of double helixes in the history of mankind.”
The exact way that his protein strands came to produce this mess baffles science to this day but stands as a testament to the ugly power of nature.
Packaging Photo Doctoring Master – DJ Lonely House Wife
A professional Photoshop artist who works brushing up adult video covers as well as idol photo shoots. A man who spends day in and day out beautifying images of women, he feels confident he can make a beauty out of the beast. He’s so good we didn’t even pixelate his face. That’s just how he rolls.
Before the contest gets underway, we have the ceremonial exchanging of business cards to each competitor. This tradition dates back to an infamous jellybean counting challenge issued by Keisuke Okada to Hideki Tojo in 1943. That contest ended in a draw and claimed the lives of eight people.
Alright, it looks like the challengers are ready. Let’s see who comes out on top!
The beast circles the room locking eyes with his rival. He then trips over his own feet and begins flopping around on the ground for a while. He then gradually regains his balance while wheezing hard and pulls out a gown and wig.
The artist simply watches with a steely glare as the beast cautiously begins to disrobe. “This is going to be a lot different from idols…” he thought.
Finally, as his eyes followed along the beast’s hair-matted legs he saw his challenge in all its hideous glory.
Not only was the face hideous, but there was so much of it to deal with. The poor wig could do little to obscure. The artist sized the beast up for a moment, then confidently said, “I know what needs to be done.” However, in his heart he knew his chances weren’t good. Still, he had to. Winning this contest was a matter of pride and that is something neither of these men – the guy who makes porn cases nor the hideous freak of nature – could afford to lose.
This is the photo of the beast that the artist decided to work with. It presented considerable hurdles such as the thick layer of arm hair, face stubble, and lazy eye salvaged only by the fact the other eye is lazy too.
Can anything on this nightmare of aesthetics truly be made into something of beauty?
The artist sprung to his machine and began working on the image.
Giving us a glimpse into his work the artist explains, “see this nose hair? It’s got to go. And with Photoshop it’s no problem.”
And instantly the beast’s thick tentacle-like nose hair was annihilated.
“Also, I’m getting rid of all these pores around his eyes. Boom! Gone.”
The beast watched on anxiously, as the artist swiftly eliminated defect after defect.
If this continues he may become the beautiful woman he always feared to be.
“I’m done…” proclaimed the artist mustering up the last of his stamina. His face was contorted into a grimace as we rushed to see the results…
Dejectedly the artist broke down, “I’m sorry. It’s a total loss. My job is to modify people but still keep their humanity. I tried so hard to find and exaggerate his beautiful features, but there were none. I mean, I might as well have just drawn a CGI woman over top of his ugly mug…”
He then explained all the work he put into the alteration. First he cleaned up the imperfections and reshaped the beasts face into more pleasing proportions. He then filled in the beast’s tooth gaps and cleaned off the coffee and nicotine stains.
It was then that the artist found something nice about the beast. He had a pleasant looking crease on his upper left eye lid. Granted, it was only the one eye, but it was something he could work with. By unslanting the eyes and adding more definition he created a perfect eye. He then copied it and pasted it over the right eye with the appropriate size adjustments.
The artist then tried lightening the beast’s complexion, only to find that a widespread rash became more visible. By the time he finished painting and stamping the hell out of the rash, very little of the beast’s humanity remained.
He didn’t have the heart to continue with the arms so he just cropped them out and called it a day after six hours of intensive work.
Actually, the artist first choice was to use this photo below. The face was mercifully obscured meaning he could just reshape the body and get rid of the hair.
However, the beast’s arm and leg hair was so densely arranged, the artist couldn’t find a single patch of clean skin to copy and paste. “All I needed was a small beautiful spot, but there was nothing!” The artists hands were shaking now.
Of course this means the winner is…
As this historic match comes to a close we learn that despite all of Photoshop’s advancements and features it still can’t match the sheer force of nature and all its cruel humor when allowing something like Rikkue, Mankind’s All-time Foulest Beast, be born. If you think you can Photoshop something beautiful and human-looking out of the beast, get in touch with Omocoro. They’re looking for future rematches.
…and we have Grace Andrea Kepawitono adding fuel to the fire.