Do you have a dirty mind? I do. (And so does the Japanese author of this article, which I’m lovingly translating into English.) Like a male fishing spider, I think sex is to die for. Although obviously, it’s better not to, so you can do it again. Though I keep myself cool, calm and collected on the surface, underneath it all my mind is a seething cesspool of naughty thoughts…

To cut to the chase, if you’re like me and you love sex, you’ll love this sex museum in Saga Prefecture. In Japan, there are quite a few sex museums known as “houses of hidden treasures” (hihokan). This one has been touted as Japan’s number one sex museum. It’s known as the “Sightseeing Secret Museum” (Kanko Hihokan), and there are many secret sights to be seen. Our Japanese reporter got in there to give us the dirt! Teehee.

・Things are getting steamy! 7 million dollars worth of erotic goodness

The Kanko Hihokan was built in 1983. You might expect this to be nothing more than a gimmick, but judging from the signboard inside, they are passionate about what they do: “The latest style of electronic technology has been collected for our large-scale sex wonderland.” Hmmm, latest technology circa 1983, but still. On top of that, this place cost 7 million dollars (700 million yen) to build. The burning ardor of those who devoted themselves to the pursuit of the erotic far exceeds the scope of our imagination.

・Sex shrine and divine phallus

If you go inside, the first thing you’ll see is a shrine to sex. A huge stone c*ck is enshrined there, waiting to be worshipped. The size of it surpasses even the most well-endowed human—I’d describe it as a titanic tower of manmeat. If you’re a manga fan, you could say it’s about the right size for one of the giants from Attack on Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin).

・Anyway, there’s plenty of c*ck and p*ssy to go around

Realistic penises carved from wood or stone. Realistic p*ssies made from wax, more p*ssy than you can shake a stick at! Genitalia popping out at you in 3D movies, celebrity genitalia, in fact so much c*ck and p*ssy that you’ll be driven to the brink of slavering madness.

・Mechanical lovin’

But I found that this can be a good thing! Mechanized mannequins entwined in aerobatic erotic flight, humping on camelback, going at it on a futon, shagging on top of a fountain, boning and rotating at the same time, and… Well, let’s just say that as soon as I got here all the bad thoughts were driven out of my head by overpowering sexual fantasies. Because this is truly a huge “wonderland” of sex.

・C*ck and p*ssy worship

Here you’ll find not just your average privates on show, but also private holy Buddhist sites, including the exposed Gautama Buddha, Amida Buddha and some Buddhist saints. So, it’s true that the enlightened get horny too?

・Love for sale

In store for visitors who may now be overcome with lust is the adult goods shop. But sadly there were no world-class Tenga masturbatory aids on sale. I guess I’ll have to wait until I get home then.

・Kanko Hihokan will close its doors in spring 2014?!

This year is the 30th anniversary for the museum. When it first opened it was a world-beating tourist attraction with tourist buses queueing up and every room chockablock with eager customers. Now, unfortunately it seems a business decision has been made to shut up shop in the spring of 2014.

So I’d say get it while you can, honey!  It’s well worth making a trip to beautiful Saga Prefecture to check out this erotic museum crammed full of chinchin and manman. The huge sex wonderland Kanko Hihokan is waiting for you to penetrate its erotic depths, and doesn’t mind at all if you’re a couple, married or single!

■ Location and details

Name: Ureshino Takeo Kanko Hihokan
Address: Hei 13, Shiota-cho Oaza Okusano, Ureshino-shi, Saga-ken
Hours: Summer 9am-6pm / Winter 9am-5pm
*Scheduled to close in spring 2014

Report by: Sekai no Shogo
Photos: RocketNews24

(Please note that under normal circumstances taking photos is forbidden, but we received special permission)

▼Here is the museum sign, which reads “Mysteries of Love: Ureshino Takeo Kanko Hihokan”. Creates a kind of retro feel.

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▼Signboard for the Kanko Hihokan, which really conveys how much the managers are into erotica (look at all that writing!). To give you a general idea, it thanks visitors for coming and expresses pride in their “big sex wonderland” which incorporates movement, sound, light and visual technologies for your erotic enjoyment.

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▼Huge penis stand opposite the ticket booth.

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▼Random female mannequins. Interpret this as you will.

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▼This is the sex shrine!

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▼So many pent-up desires have been written on these boards by visitors. For example, “I want a girlfriend”, “I want sex”, or “I want my dick to get big”.

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▼Realistic wax figurine

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▼Big wooden schlongs.

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▼Follow where it leads you, like most men…

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▼”Erotic fantasy: Nagasaki Ochinchi Festival”. Er, do people from Nagasaki mind this? Or is it all good in the hood?

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▼Shunga, erotic art representative of Japan. Did this lead to the birth of the modern hentai?

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▼Superman, super sex. Acrobatic sex in the sky. This exhibit is mechanized.

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▼Mechanical humping on top of a camel. A moving experience.

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▼Hmmm, looks like Marilyn Monroe. If you twist the handle in front as hard and fast as you can, a wind will blow right up her skirt.

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▼”Enter the Maragon”… obviously representing Bruce Lee. Holding nunchucks in the shape of penises.

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▼If you touch this breast in just the right way, his pants will slip down and you’ll get an eyeful of his tiny weiner.

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▼This represents the legend of Nabeshima Sodo of Saga, the legend of a very sexy and magical cat…

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▼Young woman of Ureshino picking tea. If you peek through the hole, there’s not much left to the imagination.

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▼ From here on in, it’s erotic figurines…

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▼Adult goods shop

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▼Finally, here is the location of the Kanko Hihokan: