Okay, we get it, marketing is hard. You need to create buzz, get people’s attention, deal with competing products, and carefully research your target market. And on top of all that, you have to have a product people actually want to buy. Like we said: it’s hard!
Or you could just post pictures of two women sucking on something phallic and call it a day. That would probably work, too.
The makers of Love Shot, an alcoholic jelly drink, decided to go with option two, as you can clearly see from our not-quite-safe-for-work picture above.
▼Two for one: One person can’t drink it alone, a shot for two people to drink together
First, you might be wondering what a “jelly drink” is. The answer is surprisingly simple—it’s jelly that you drink! Basically like Jell-o or any other gelatin, jelly drinks are quite popular in Japan. Usually sold in small bags, they seem to be a hit with athletes and business people who need something more than a simply sports drink but don’t have time to eat.
We suppose that might also describe revelers pounding the dance floor at a night club until the sun comes up. But who wants to be seen drinking something so unfashionable a small tin-foil bag of jelly when they’re all done up in their Saturday night/Sunday morning best? No one, that’s who!
▼THIS IS CANNOT POSSIBLY BE SANITARY AT ALL.
And thus Love Shot bursts onto the scene, in all its long, hard, wet, gooey glory!
This jelly drink has two openings—one on either end of the tube. Once it’s opened, obviously, you have to drink it right away or all the jelly will just dribble out of the tip and splatters all over the place.
Detailed drinking instructions include: “open both ends,” “both people hold one end tightly in their mouths,” and “one blows as the other sucks.” They also helpfully advise you to avoid sucking or blowing too hard as someone might choke. Well, now you know, and knowing is half the battle!
It’s revolutionary thinking like this that will save Japan’s economy, we tell you! We’re starting to wonder if there’s a fourth arrow to Prime Minister Abe’s economic stimulus plan that he forgot to mention: selling drinks impossible to actually get in your stomach.
▼”About Love Shot: The greatest party item ever appears! The alcoholic jelly that’s never existed before with a totally new concept! Two people work together to imbibe!”
And while the more boring among us may be tempted to just leave the seal on one end or just get a glass of some delicious bourbon that doesn’t require any acrobatics, that wouldn’t really be in the Love Shot spirit, would it? No, this drink demands that you find a partner, wrap your lips round one rigid end, and get…weird with it.
▼And it comes in a bunch of different flavors, too!
Japanese Internet commenters reacted strongly to the drink.
What the…this looks unsanitary and seems like it would get you incredibly drunk…it’s something only gorgeous girls could get away with…
This is so vulgar.
This is nothing more than a pain in the ass!
Wow, this is “amazing.” Heh. But, actually, I don’t hate it.
This has no connection with reality…there’s no demand for this!
When two girls drink this, it looks like…uhh…that.
Yes, dear commenter, it does look like that…whatever that is.
A skilled photoshopper also produced the following all male version, though we’re really not sure who the target demographic is.
Finally, for those of you who might think this is nothing more than a joke, here’s a video of Love Shot being promoted at a very loud club in Osaka. You might want to lower your volume before you press play.
Well, doesn’t that just look fun and delicious?
Hmmm, maybe we have a new mission for Mr. Sato!