It used to be that “the eyes are the window to the soul.” But now everyone is too engrossed in their smartphones and computers to bother to look at anyone’s eyes! Fortunately, there’s a new window to the soul–the search history.
If you’ve ever accidentally stumbled across the search results from after your friend borrowed your computer for some quick googling, you already know just how awkward a few words on a screen can be. Especially if it involves hair and any random body part. But a lot of times, the most shocking search results are left by members of your own family. Here are some of the best and worst of the awkward search histories found in Japanese homes!
1. Let’s start with one tweet that perfectly combines some parents’ greatest fears: addiction and cartoons.
- I borrowed my father’s iPad, and when I turned it on this is what popped up.
2. Many of us think we want the truth and say we want the truth, but can we really handle the truth? This tweet suggests that, no, maybe we can’t.
- Just now I took over the computer from my father, and “How to get the guy you want” was splashed all over the screen. What the hell was pops looking at?? My mother wasn’t using it at all. And I sure wasn’t look at this…
The very first search result for “By popular occupation ・How to get the guy you want” is a webpage hosted by Anan, a fashion magazine, detailing how get pick up the guy of your dreams broken down by occupation.
3. Of course, while it may be hard to accept, our parents are only human–just like us! And, sometimes, maybe a little bit too much like us. This tweet says it all in so few words…
- I was using my father’s computer, and I saw “Apartment Wife” in his search history….
“Apartment Wife,” for those who aren’t familiar with the term, is a “romance porn,” basically softcore porn, movie series from the 1970s.
4. Sometimes, though, our parents surprise us with their unique–if impractical–ways of dealing with modern life. Just imagine how this Twitter user must have felt!
- So, anyway, I took a peek at my father’s search history, but I didn’t find any disturbing, sexy stuff. Instead, it was all about “how to call 911” and “calling 911 from a cell phone.” What the hell? It was kind of scary…you can call from a cell phone, pops! Stupid…
5. Of course, it’s not just our fathers leaving behind unsettling trails. Even our sisters can leave us scratching our heads…or feeling sad.
- I used the family computer for the first time in a while, and my sister made me cry.
A “sister complex,” in case you haven’t heard of phrase before, usually refers to an overprotective older brother. While it’s certainly sweet of him to care so much, we can kind of understand how his sister must feel! No one likes to be babied, right?
6. Here’s another tweet about sisters’ search histories. We’re starting to worry that Japanese sisters are more Machiavellian than sweet!
- When I sat down to use the Internet after my sister was done, I saw “how to train your brother” in the search bar. (I’m a 23-year-old male.)
7. Of course, our brothers aren’t always sweethearts themselves, are they?
- Oi! What the hell are you planning, little brother? This is what I found on the family PC.
8. And sometimes our younger siblings can be downright, well, stupid!
- Little brother! You used my computer. Your older sister saw you. And you were on the Internet, right? And do I know what you were doing on the Internet? Well, since you didn’t erase your browsing history, I know exactly what you were looking at. You little 2nd-year boy!
That one left a lot to the imagination…but we think we can see the slender form of a disturbing story there. This may be one of those cases where ignorance is bliss.
9. Here’s one that we could relate to a bit better than we’d like. It’s never fun when your parents just don’t get you, is it?
- We all share the same computer in my family, and I was just idly browsing around when…Hey! What the hell is this?: “What to do with an otaku girl?” WTF?? What should *I* do about *you*?!
Now might be a good time to remind our readers that, while anime and manga are certainly popular in Japan, not everyone loves them and there can be a social stigma on people judged to be otaku. We hope this Twitter user can make peace with her family!
10. Changing things up for the entirely more awkward, here’s someone who accidentally found out a bit too much information about her father’s perspiration issues.
- When I looked at the history for a webpage I use a lot on Internet Explorer, I noticed that my mother (I think) was searching Yahoo! for “My husband is gross and sweaty.” It’s suddenly become a bit of an uneasy morning…
Now, many of our esteemed readers are probably wondering one thing: Who the hell still uses Yahoo!? Well, it turns out, the search engine is still incredibly popular in Japan and is often the default homepage for many computer and smartphones.
11. Of course, search engine results don’t only reveal information about our parents–they also teach our parents about us!
- Shocking!! The search history on my fifth-grade son’s computer was full of pervy queries! But when I saw that he’d looked up “Boobie massage scenes,” I couldn’t help laughing, though I really shouldn’t as a mother! (^_^;) I wonder if I ought to say something to him tomorrow morning…
Honestly, ma’am, we hate to be the ones to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter what you tell him! He’ll never stop looking for those boobie massage scenes.
12. But sometimes the most shocking thing isn’t what’s been searched for, but how it was searched for.
- My grandfather bought a computer, and when I took a glance at his search engine history, I saw that his query had returned no results. This was the search term he’d used: “Please show me how to make a sweet potato seedbed. Thank you very much for your help.”
Someone clearly needs to create an algorithm to understand old people’s search queries…there’s got to be an untapped fortune there!
13. While most of us probably wouldn’t relish the thought of our parents taking a gander at our search histories, maybe it’s not always bad.
- You definitely shouldn’t look at your son’s browser history! For example, when my son, who just started his first job after college, was home for the first time in a while, he ended up using the family computer. And he forgot to clear the browser history…if he knew that I’d seen this, he’d surely be embarrassed and wouldn’t be able to look at his parents, and we’d just be left crying…
Awww…that’s so sweet, isn’t it? And it’s the perfect insurance for when your parents get old and grumpy and ask what you ever did for them. “Hey!” you can proudly say, “I sent you on an onsen trip, remember?”
14. Browser histories can bring good tidings for siblings too!
- The other day, I asked my older sister to make me some meat and potato stew and she was all like “Make it yourself!” But the next day, when I was using Yahoo! on the family computer, I saw that someone had been searching for “meat and potato stew” and “delicious meat and potato stew.”
As sweet as this seems, we can’t help imagining the older sister making a giant pot of the stew and then sitting down across from her little sister and gobbling it all down without giving up a single bite!
15. And if you’re starting to feel a bit peckish, this next one is definitely not going to help.
- In the search history on the computer, I saw a bunch of stuff like “how to make pudding,” “easy cheesecake recipes,” “how to make sponge cake,” and on and on. And just a little while ago, I noticed that my little brother bought something that looked like cake mix, and my birthday is the day after next! I feel like I’ve seen something I wasn’t supposed to…I’m sorry, little brother!
Sounds like the best little brother on the planet if you ask us. Hey, tell him to come visit on our birthdays! We have lots of cakes he can make for us!
The important lesson here, folks, is always use a secret window when browsing! Especially if you’re looking for boobie massage scenes. You never know who might be using Google while you’re fast asleep, dreaming of nipples.
Source and images: Naver Matome