For a young, hormone-addled teenage boy, the art of the one-handed bra-unclasp is a sacred rite of passage that, along with shaving and, you know, like, actually having had sex, is one of the telltale markers of having transitioned from being a “loser” (or, worse yet, a “weenie”) to being one of the “cool” kids.
It’s too bad then, that according to a recent Japanese survey, the majority of Japanese men apparently never progressed into the realm of the cool kids because they still can’t unhook a bra one-handed.
It came as a mild surprise to me to learn that the one-handed bra-unclasp appears to be as culturally significant to young men in Japan as it is in America, although it makes sense that it’d be so universal. After all, of all the things that can really ruin the mood, fumbling around with a girl’s bra like a helpless infant until she eventually has to undo it for you must rank pretty high, so it stands to reason that you’d get social bonus points for being able to do it one-handed.
Unfortunately, however, for 64.9% of Japanese men who responded to this survey by My Navi Woman, unhooking a bra with one hand is as foreign a concept as magically shrugging out of a straitjacket. Additionally, of the 35.1% that said they can do it, 57.7% fessed up to not being able to do it every time.
In all, that adds up to a shockingly high percentage of Japanese dudes who, at the very least, need a female bust mannequin, a bra and a pulse-pounding training montage set to “Eye of the Tiger” before they can join up with the cool kids.
The survey also came with a few anecdotes from guys who responded about “incidents” they’ve had while making the attempt to unhook a bra one-handed, such as:
“I tried to pinch the bra hook, but ended up just pinching the skin of her back hard enough that she lost all interest in sex.”
“I spent a few minutes rummaging around blindly for the hook, only to realize later that it was one of those front hook kind.”
“When I’m with a new woman, I intentionally act like I can’t do it one-handed, so she won’t think I’ve had a lot of partners.”
“I tried to undo a girl’s bra with one hand and just ended up completely destroying the hook.”
As a perfect Adonis who can unhook a woman’s bra by simply raising an eyebrow, I have no idea what these guys are talking about, but I understand their pain; after all, nothing turns a guy into a babbling moron more than the presence of boobs in their general vicinity, let alone at arm’s reach.