Valentine’s Day is approaching with the speed of a runaway freight train, which for all those out there who are currently unattached can be a cause of sweaty palms and lips curled up in sneers of derision. In the west, Valentine’s Day is a totally commercialised flurry of unoriginal gifts and saccharine sappiness, but in Japan it’s kinda different. The chocolate companies have managed to turn it into a sort of one-day nation-wide chocolate-making fest, wherein lovestruck women take up their wooden spoons and mixing bowls in hopes of creating sweet treats to win the hearts of their beloved (or, alternatively, earn points with male colleagues).
But for those who are sick of Valentine’s Day and its traditional hearts and flowers, this collection of disgusting chocs is sure to raise a few evil chuckles.
Valentine’s Day in Japan is the perfect occasion to show the guys in your life just how much you care about them. (Yes, in Japan, the women give chocolate to men – it’s completely one-sided. Does it make sense? Not much, but yet here we are.) The concept of giri-choco (obligation chocolate) is well-ingrained into the national consciousness, and women who make non-romantic gifts of chocolates for the men in their life are seen to be both considerate and sweet. But what if you want to rebel against the patriarchy? Why not present that sweaty co-worker with a box of dung beetle chocs? Or perhaps subtly undermine your mean supervisor with a passive-aggressive gift of anus chocolates? (Er, if you want to get fired, that is…) Anyway, let’s take a look at some of the grossest chocolate money can buy!
Chocolate Rhinoceros Beetle
What better way of saying “you bug me” could there be than to give someone one of these crunchy beetles? Yuck!
Mmm, lovely grubs. These nauseating choccies make perfect giri-choco gifts for anyone you seriously dislike.
What better way to say “I love you” than with an anatomically correct chocolate heart? Sure, it’s kind of gross, but you can’t deny that it’s a heartfelt gift!
Chocolate Anuses (Eww….)
Haha, you thought we were kidding earlier, right? But it’s true – you can really buy chocolate shaped like, well, THIS. Why you would want to is a different issue altogether. Still, it would make the perfect Valentine’s Day treat for someone you really want to annoy. After all, it’s the thought that counts.
The perfect chocolate option for someone you find unbearably slimy!
Hopefully we’ve given some of you Valentine’s humbugs some inspiration for ways to vent your spleen during the upcoming romantic festivities. Just don’t blame us if you get something equally horrible in return on White Day one month later…