It’s no secret that dating sims in Japan have become a bit strange recently. From the meat-based dating sim to the alpaca dating sim to the recent sumo dating sim which features pretty much everyone but realistic-looking sumo wrestlers, it’s clear that pop will eat itself and dating sims will parody themselves.
But an upcoming dating sim set to debut on both Android and iOS devices soon is taking things to a whole new Harold and Maud level: The subjects of your affection will be grannies–million-year-old grannies to be exact!
The game, titled Jun’ai Babaa Gakuen ~ Tenkousei ha 100man sai ~ (which could be translated as The Pure Love Granny School: The New Girl is One Million Years Old), is, nominally, a dating sim featuring four grannies. But what truly sets it apart is the fact that each of the grannies is one million years old and built like Stallone in the 1980s.
But don’t worry! They still have the voices of 20-year-old Japanese actresses! With the exception of Babadakku Midori, whose voice sounds like a trash compactor choking on cigarette butts.
Let’s meet the ladies, shall we?
First up is Chio Shiratori, the new girl in school. She’s one million years old, can rip phone books in half and is looking to enjoy school life!
Our next potential lover is Sayuri Saionji, who is, as you should have guessed, one million years old! She’s also playing the “little sister” role, but this is one little sis’ whose pigtails you won’t want to pull. Well, unless you’d like a jaw-shattering knuckle sandwich, we suppose.
Next up, we have Mari Ijuin, who is the student president. Whether she’s been newly elected or has held the position for the last thousand millennia or so, we’re not sure, but there’s nothing quite as exciting as a political romance, is there?
And our final possible granny lover is Babadakku Midori, a one-million-year-old idol student who speaks the language of Namekku…and has green skin. Like the Hulk, after he hit rock-bottom and joined AKB48. (You scoff, but you know Marvel just started writing the treatment.)
Like any other dating sim, you make choices as the game progresses, affecting the plot of the story and the eventual outcome. But if you play your cards right, you can get this beautiful image of Babadakku leaning in to plant a big wet kiss right on your lips.
We doubt this game will teach you anything about love, but we could be wrong.
Now, check the video out for yourself and start plotting your strategy for how to win the heart of your favorite granny!