While a masterfully crafted plot twist or genre shift can be a satisfying thing for sophisticated media consumers, doing either of those things poorly can leave the audience feeling unsatisfied or even downright cheated. As such, you really can’t blame anime producers if they decide to play things safe and let viewers know exactly what a show has in store for viewers.
That’s why the team behind the upcoming Bikini Warriors is laying its cards on the table. Oh, and its cards are breasts. As a matter of fact, even the show’s official website says that there’s really no point in watching for anything other than a mono-faceted mammary motivation.
Bikini Warriors is the well-endowed brain child of Hobby Japan, the same organization responsible for other classics in the “busty women fight with swords” category such as Queen’s Blade and Samurai Girls. While Bikini Warriors is set to be a mixed-media IP with animation, comics, and video games all in the works, the starting point for the franchise is plastic figures.
As you might have deciphered from its symbolism-laden title, Bikini Warriors is about a group of women who fight in two-piece swimwear-inspired outfits. Each of the six women making up the principal cast was designed by a different designer…starting with Fighter, from Porno Switch manga artist Hisasi…
▼ Protect the wrists, oh mighty armor!
…Beat Angel Escalayer character designer Onigiri-kun’s Paladin…
▼ Protect the forearms!
…Shining video game series character designer Tony Taka’s Valkyrie…
▼ Protect the shins!
…Black Lagoon manga artist Rei Hiroe’s Hunter…
▼ Protect the left knee only, for some reason!
… Ninja Slayer From Animation character designer Saitom’s Mage…
▼ Protect…the face from harsh UV rays?
…and finally, Queen’s Blade Rebellion character designer Odanon’s all-one-word Darkelf.
▼ Most precious of all, protect the nipples!
Oddly enough, it seems as though “Fighter,” “Mage” and the like aren’t just nods to the characters’ classes, but may indeed be their official names as well. If that seems like a pretty slipshod bit of storytelling, you might want to bear in mind that, by Bikini Warriors own admission, no one should be watching for the plot.
The following is taken from the Bikini Warriors official website:
“Along with Paladin, Mage, and Darkelf, Fighter, the daughter of a hero who once saved the kingdom, leaves on a quest to save the life of the king and prevent the ruin of the world. On their journey they have strange encounters with villagers, and fight monster after monster in heroic battles.
In the end, will Fighter and the others be able to save the world? Who cares? But on the other hand, please look forward to the group’s sexy, alluring bodies!”
As further proof that Hobby Japan knows exactly which side its bread is buttered on (with said butter presumably made from breast milk), the opening passage of the franchise’s introduction page gives you all the bullet points you need to know in its bright red text.
▼ Swords…magic…adventurers…Demon King…traditional RPG-style world…beautiful breasts, humongous breasts [literally “exploding breasts”], bikini armor!!
The animated portion of this exercise in truth in advertising premiers June 8 at 1:35 a.m. on Tokyo MX. Each episode is scheduled to last a mere five minutes, though, so we imagine most of them consist of the cast riding on a cart, going over a bump in the road, and then the camera focusing on their jiggling breasts one pair at a time for a little under a minute each before immediately cutting to the ending credits.