It’s getting harder and harder to be truly original these days, and nothing much seems to surprise anymore. And then something like Curry Shop Shimizu opens in Tokyo. This is a real curry restaurant that specializes in poo-flavored curry.
The very notion of that is sure to send a flurry of questions up to the old cranium, the biggest one no doubt being “How do they know what poo tastes like?” Well, they actually have a good explanation for that, along with answers to other questions you may be pondering…
■ “For the love of god, why?”
The answer to that is simple: Curry Shop Shimizu had set out from the start to be “the world’s first” something. After extensive brainstorming it appeared that curry which tasted like literal crap probably isn’t being sold anywhere else in the world. So, they decided to do just that.
■ “How do they know what shit tastes like?”
Curry Shop Shimizu is founded by Ken Shimizu, who also goes by the name Shimiken in some of his adult video roles, which total well into the 1,000s and include such outings as T.A.B.U. Blonde Hair Girl’s Hi-School 2 and the award-winning Shimiken’s Private 7 F**K.
Being so prolific in such a line of work the collateral damage of tasting dookie is bound to occur from time to time. And so, Shimizu has put these years of experience into his recipes which he feels captures the taste and consistency of poop impeccably.
According to a press release, this flavor is apparently a combination of the extreme bitterness of its two main ingredients goya (bitter gourd) and senburi (swertia japonica) tea. The texture is achieved by blending cocoa powder and water in just the right balance. Despite the horrid taste and feel of Shimizu curry, it’s actually some healthy sh*t.
■ “Are they insane?”
That’s a hard question to answer since insanity is a concept relative to the status quo of a society. Luckily, Curry Shop Shimizu conducted a marketing survey of 400 young adults to find out. Of those surveyed, 75 percent said this was a bat-sh*t crazy idea and that they would never go there…ever. A further 10.5 percent said that, while they didn’t feel Shimizu was insane per se, they would still never go.
From a business standpoint, those aren’t promising figures. However Curry Shop Shimizu is confident they can win people over with their many amenities.
■ “Alright, I’ll bite. What amenities are these?”
For starters, how does a dart board float your boat?
Sure it’s the kind where you have to pay to play, but it’s there. Shimizu also has some pretty cool wall paper and AV memorabilia adorning the cabinets. In addition, they promise that although the food tastes like poo, great consideration went into making sure the entire place was well ventilated so it doesn’t end up smelling that way, and nether will you as long as you bring plenty of mints.
You can also get all-you-can-drink of the painfully bitter senburi tea completely free of charge. Not water, though; that’ll cost you 1,000 yen (US$8) per glass. There’s also a range of alcoholic drinks available to compliment Shimizu’s two menu items: Pooh Flavored Curry and Plain Rice. Both are available in three sizes and if you can eat the entire largest Japanese toilet bowl-shaped dish of curry, you’ll get a free commemorative sticker.
There’s also other merchanidse for sale such as Curry Shop Shimizu T-shirts and official Ken Shimizu dildos. And to top it all off, they have a loyalty card program! Yes, there’s too many reasons for you not to want to taste Shimizu’s crappy curry.
So what are you waiting for? Eat sh*t and live!
Curry Shop Shimizu
B1-A Joy Park Chitose Funabashi, 1-1-17 Funabashi, Setagaya-ku, Tokyo
Lunch: 11:30am – 2:30pm
Dinner: 6:00pm – 11:00pm
Holidays: Fridays and any day that the curry accidentally tastes good
Phone Number: Unlisted