When you get to be really famous, sometimes people will ask you some strange questions. If you’ve got even a passing interest in the Japanese entertainment or music industries, you’ve probably heard of evergreen male idol group SMAP and Takuya Kimura, its most popular member. Kimura hosts a weekly radio program, and in the most recent broadcast, he was asked by a listener for his thoughts on women’s panties that tie up on the sides with strings.
Rather than comment on their fashionableness, the star responded with his idea for the best way to remove said underwear, which got his many fans all in a flutter. Here at RocketNews24, though, we don’t have time for abstract panty theory. We’re all about practical life hacks, so today we’re testing Japan’s most-talked about way to remove lingerie.
On the September 11 broadcast of Tokyo FM’s Takuya Kimura’s What’s Up SMAP! opened with questions from listeners, one of which was:
“How do you feel about panties that tie up with strings on the sides?”
Despite having been Japan’s indisputably most popular heartthrob in his younger days, and still having legions of female fans, the 42-year-old Kimura claimed to have no personal experience dealing with the specified class of undergarments. That’s not to say he doesn’t have an opinion on them, though, as he responded:
“I’d take them off the woman with my teeth. You can undo them with your teeth. I’d just go like this with my teeth, and pull like this…”
Perhaps Kimura has reached the point in his life where he’s so famous that he forgets that there are times when there aren’t cameras on him, but since What’s Up SMAP! is a radio show, it’s not 100-percent clear what exact motions he was talking about. We imagine, though, that he was talking about biting the strings and pulling to untie them.
Seeing how his comments had people in Japan buzzing, we decided to try the technique out for ourselves. First we’d need an appropriate pair of panties, which our team had no trouble tracking down.
▼ You’d be surprised how much lingerie there is just lying around the RocketNews24 offices.
But since we wanted our test conditions to be as close to the real thing as possible, we didn’t want to just slip the panties on a mannequin. So we went looking for a live volunteer to wear them, and thankfully our reporter P.K. was both willing and able.
▼ He’s also a dude, but this isn’t his first time hopping across the gender line for a little modeling.
Next, we needed someone to try Kimura’s high-level panty-pulling procedure. Since it was an unseasonably chilly day in Tokyo, we didn’t want P.K. to have to spend any more time than absolutely necessary in a near-naked state, so we decided to enlist two of our writers, Go and Yoshio, who would operate like a team competing for the gold in synchronized undie-biting at the Pervalympic Games.
▼ Is it just us, or is Yoshio trying to avert his gaze?
Okay, everybody get into ready position!
And…let it rip!
As you can see, the process turned out to be remarkably easy. For Go, in particular, this was a revelation in assisted disrobing.
“It feels wild and good. This would be really efficient for those times when you’ve got both hands occupied with something but find yourself needing to get someone’s panties off.”
And how was P.K.’s side of the experience?
“My heart was racing and I sweated a lot.”
Hmm…we guess that could be good or bad, depending on your individual preferences. Finally, let’s check in with what Yoshio.
“It smelled like milk. Like a baby.”
So, what have we learned here today? First, that aside from being a successful recording artist and media personality, Takuya Kimura apparently also has a knack for visualizing the biomechanics of getting a girl naked (although you’ll want to make sure the strings aren’t decorative and sewn shut, as is a common fashion in Japanese lingerie). Also, P.K. might be involved in some sort of physical relationship with a milk container, although if he is, he now knows one more way to get it ready for some fun between the sheets like a superstar.
[ Read in Japanese ]