Here are three dating deal breakers in Japan that you shouldn’t ignore, even if you’d give her appearance a perfect 10.
Surely if you’ve spent any significant amount of time in Japan, or plan on visiting as a single guy or girl, you’ve given some thought about getting in on the Japanese dating scene.
Just like anywhere else in the world there’s no shortage of good-looking men and women in Japan, and depending on who you ask, the “exoticness” of being a foreigner can either be a plus or a minus when it comes to your dating game. But whether or not you find your options are infinite or limited after you arrive, be careful that you don’t find yourself settling on someone based on looks.
Nobita of the YouTube channel Find Your Love in Japan has three relationship deal breakers you should watch out for, no matter how cute she (or he) may be.
While these points that makes aren’t exclusive to Japan, and might sound obvious, they’re worth reflecting on, especially when it comes to honesty. Honestly isn’t just about not telling lies, but also about trying to effectively communicate what you want in a relationship to your partner.
Nobita brings up an important cultural difference, in that a large number of Japanese partners may act as if they do not care in order to avoid potential conflict, especially when it comes to minor issues or needs, but over time these problems tend to accumulate until he or she feels it is no longer worthwhile to keep the relationship going. Not only does dishonesty or a lack of communication allow small problems to turn into big problems, but it also robs you of the chance of get to know your partner better, it makes it extremely difficult to talk about deeper cultural issues and differences of opinion, such as raising children, taking care of aging parents/family, work/financial expectations, and sex.
Especially where sex is concerned, it’s not uncommon for men and women (both Japanese and foreign) to report a drop in their Japanese spouse’s sex drive after marriage or after children, or an overall reluctance to effectively communicate what they like or don’t like in bed. Sex isn’t—and shouldn’t be—everything in a long-term relationship, but sexual incompatibility can often be a fast road to separation in even the strongest of relationships.
Although not exactly recent, data on marriage and divorce from 2006 suggested that divorce rates between foreign men and women and their Japanese spouses were about 40 percent, much higher than the Japanese average. According to foreign men who were married to Japanese women, here are these are just a few of the reasons why their dreams of happily ever after eventually disappeared.
So no matter how much you may be infatuated with that Japanese cutie (or hottie), unless you’re just looking for a fling, some deal breakers just can’t be ignored, or they might come back to bite you in the butt you later.
Nobita goes on to add that as far as his personal list deal breakers goes, two and three are the same, but seeing as he isn’t getting pursued by any gaijin hunters, his number one turn off is women that are too clingy and don’t have their own personal hobbies and goals, or understand the need for time apart every now and then.
After all, good looks aren’t exactly timeless, so if you’re in it for the long haul, focusing on someone with a great personality, and who gets you and supports the things you find important, and vice versa, is probably going to be a much better bet.
For more tips on dating and “finding your love in Japan”, check out Nobita’s channel here. And for those of you already in serious relationship with a Japanese significant other, here are seven things international couples wished they would have known before tying the knot.