Don’t let the machines do all the work! Learn how to take control of your butthole’s destiny with these demonstrations.
As one of Japan’s largest telecommunications providers, DoCoMo is primarily concerned with making sure its customers have reliable smartphone service coverage so they can make phone calls and access the Internet whenever they need to. But apparently the company doesn’t just want to support people during the communication process, but the digestive one was well, as it’s just released an English-language video highlighting how to use toilets in Japan.
Overseas visitors are often at a loss when confronted with either Japan’s decidedly old-school squat toilets or ultra-modern sit-down types, but DoCoMo is conscientious enough to cover both in the video.
Squat toilets are the first to be discussed. While the visuals helpfully show that squat toilets are designed to be used while facing the apparatus, it’s somewhat surprising that DoCoMo felt the need to include demonstrations of butt-wiping techniques as well, referring to a front-to-back motion as “horse-tail style” and the more abrasive back-to-front motion as “elephant style” (these aren’t universally used terms in Japan, by the way).
▼ The narrator also recommends “finding your own style before using the toilet,” but if you don’t know how to wipe your butt, you’re probably not old enough to be going to the bathroom by yourself anyway.
Next the video delves into the subject of bidet-equipped toilets. While you could just sit there as the stream of water does its thing, the video asserts that for maximum effectiveness, you should become an active participant in the process, pinpointing the cleansing spray by utilizing hip-moving techniques such as the Tornado, the Grind, and the Sumo.
▼ Very helpful after an asymmetrical poop.
Finally, the video establishes its connection to DoCoMo’s core business and drops the tongue-in-cheek informational tidbit that “Toilets in Japan are also a place to clean one’s smartphones.” Japanese society doesn’t really have any ironclad mental connection between bathrooms and smartphone cleaning, but as in any country, people are apt to whip out their smartphones for a bit during a lengthy toilet session (and let me say thank you to all of you who choose RocketNews24 for your entertainment needs at such times).
So just like it’s important to wipe your bottom, so too is it important to wipe your smartphone screen, and DoCoMo has hospitably installed miniature rolls of smartphone wiping paper inside a number of bathroom stalls at Narita Airport, Japan’s major international air travel hub.
The smartphone wipes even contain information on Wi-Fi access and travel apps, and can be flushed down the toilet when you’re finished cleaning your screen. So once you’ve run the bidet and wiped your phone, all you have to do is remember to wash your hands, and you’ll be clean all over.
Follow Casey on Twitter, where he thinks “Butthole Destiny” would be a good name for a punk rock band, but “Manifest Butthole Destiny” would be a great one.