We bring you the itinerary for the popular Japanese penis festival so you don’t come too early and have to pull out.

It’s been a long and hard winter in Japan but spring will soon emerge with its fertile pearls of warmth and moisture gushing forth all throughout the land. And, if that sentence sounded dirty to you then you’ll likely get a kick out of the Kanamara Festival in Japan.

Long-time readers of this site will likely be aware of this celebration of manhood wherein giant phallic statues are paraded through the streets on sacred platforms called mikoshi among thousands of spectators. However, like the mikoshi-teases we are, we always brought you the news after that fact.

But now we’re giving you over a month’s head-start and are passing on the itinerary for the festival when it comes on 2 April, 2017 in and around the Wakamiya Hachimangu Shrine in Kawasaki City, Kanagawa Prefecture – just as it had last year.

The schedule, as posted on the official Twitter feed of the festival, is as follows.

  • Ohidori matsuri (fire lighting ceremony): 10:00 am to 10:15 am
  • Festival: 10:15 am to 10:45 am
  • Ceremony to put spirits into the mikoshi: 10:45 am to 11:00 am
  • Daikon carving: 11:00 am to 11:30 am
  • Parade: Noon – 2:30 pm
  • Performances: 4:30 pm

The main event of the festival in terms of giant wooden penises starts at noon, but it you’re interested in the more spiritual aspects of the festival, you ought to get yourself up quick to be at Wakamiya Hachimangu Shrine by 10.

Also, our reporter Yuuichiro Wasai who has covered the Kanamara Festival for the past two years advises anyone interested in attending to prepare for large crowds. In fact, he went so far as to eloquently describe it as: “getting massaged by human waste.”

In that way, arriving early is advisable if you want to sample the many food and souvenir vendors setting up shop there, or carve your own symbol of manhood out of a Japanese radish without as much hassle. However, do your best to find a suitable viewing location for the parade and try not to mikoshi-block the guys carrying those things around town.

Also be sure to pack a raincoat, as 2015’s festival saw a light drizzle.

Of course, RocketNews24 will be there again this year as well, so if you see one of our writers, tell them the correct number of penis jokes that were crowbarred into this article and who knows, you might win a free *prize!

*Approximate value of prize = one packet of artificial sweetener or less

Event information
Kanamara Festival / かなまら祭り
Wakamiya Hachimangu, 2-13-16 Daishi Ekimae, Kawasaki Ward, Kawasaki, Kanagawa Prefecture
神奈川県川崎市川崎区大師駅前2-13-16
Sunday, 2 April, 2017
Starts at 10:00 am, Parade starts at Noon
Official Twitter (Japanese)

Source: Twitter/ @kanayamajinjya
Photos: RocketNews24
[ Read in Japanese ]