The best part of waking up is Freemasonry in your cup.
The Freemasons are a fraternal organization that need no introduction due to their name popping up in any number of wild conspiracy theories from infiltrating and manipulating governments around the world to being composed largely of reptilian humanoids.
But it turns out all of these dark machinations have all been intended for something much bigger than global domination; the Freemasons are entering the highly lucrative yet fiercely competitive coffee market!
Yes, Freemason Coffee is set to be released on 5 June in Japan through online dealers such as Rakuten and Gorilland. Each 100-gram (three-ounce) pack is full of beans harvested in Guatemala and roasted in Japan under the careful supervision and taste testing of Japanese Freemasons.
▼ Their eye may be all-seeing but it’s on the lookout for only the finest beans.
They say it is best to drink it black to taste its inherent sweetness, but will undoubtedly leave you wanting another cup. And of course, why stop there when you can also get special-edition Freemason tumblers and mugs as well!
All emblazoned with masonic symbols like the Square and Compass and Eye of Providence which are sure to impress co-workers. And if anyone gives you a hard time about your choice in tableware, there’s also a knife.
You know, so you can fix their wobbly chairs and make them trust you again.
These products are from the Tohidu Foundation, which is a group of former Freemason Grand Masters in Japan whose sole purpose is ostensibly to sell merch. They appear to have their work cut out for them this time around. Each 100 gram pack of Freemason Coffee is selling for 1,200 yen (US$10) which suggests that they either really believe in their ability to select great coffee or have completed their mind control devices that will compel its victims to pay such an insane price for a black coffee.
Nevertheless, with Father’s Day just around the corner their wide array of gear will put a smile on the face of that certain clandestine man in your life. But really, even those who can’t read the secret messages I embedded into this post should get a kick out of these items too.