John Stuart Translations

John Stuart

Having originally set forth from Vancouver, Canada on what was supposed to a three-hour tour, John found himself washed up on the shores of these well-charted and populous isles some 25 years ago. Now working as a Tokyo-based freelance translator, he enjoys drinking in many of the city’s tachinomiya (standing-only bars) in his free time, but after short spans often finds himself in search of a chair.

All Stories by John Stuart Translations

Companies Japanese People are Most Proud of

On May 1, market researcher Risk Monster released the results of its first ever “Companies the Japanese Can be Globally Proud Of” survey. Conducted February 25 to 27, the survey received valid responses from 1,000 men and women between the ages of 20 and 69. A total of 200 companies with annual sales of at least 250 billion yen and a minimum of 5,000 employees were targeted by the survey.

Coming in at number one was…
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Oozing up From Below, Mysterious Marshmallow-like Substance Covers Nanjing Street

6 days ago by John Stuart Translations
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Ever wonder what happened to the remains of the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man when Venkman and the rest of the gang destroyed it by “crossing their streams” in Ghostbusters? Well, it appears they may have fallen through a crack in a New York City sidewalk only to emerge 29 years later all the way over in China!
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Korean High School Cafeteria Has a Bit of a Cleanup Problem

May 14, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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People are pretty good at returning their trays after they’ve finished eating at a self-serve cafeteria. It’s no fun task cleaning up after others, so dumping leftovers in the appropriate bin and separating utensils and trays and returning them to their designated pickup areas is highly appreciated by kitchen staff. Recent photos uploaded to the Korea-Japan Cultural Exchange (KJ Club) website, however, makes one wonder if students and teachers at one Korean high school might be in need of a manners lesson.
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Guilty and NEVER Proven Innocent – Every Male Train Rider’s Nightmare in Japan

May 14, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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-Tales of subway groping are unfortunately commonplace in Japan, and anyone committing such a pathetic and cowardly act deserves every punishment given. But what happens if you are falsely accused? Often filled well beyond capacity, there is a real possibility of such a thing happening if you ride the trains running throughout Japan’s major urban centers. No matter your innocence, with a 99 percent conviction rate should the case go to court, one Tokyo lawyer says the best thing to do if wrongly accused is, run…

Attorney Takashi Nozawa provides the following advice to anyone who might find themselves caught up in this nightmarish, no-win situation.
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Chinese Authorities Clamp Down on University Classroom Subject Matter

May 14, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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According to Hong Kong dailies dated May 11, university officials in Beijing and Shanghai were reported as saying authorities had directed them to refrain from teaching seven subjects in their classes including “freedom of the press,” “human rights” and “universal values.”
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GungoHo Online Entertainment Continues Upward Surge, Market Cap Exceeds Nintendo in Morning Trading

May 13, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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On the morning of May 13, GungHo Online Entertainment, Inc. (JASDAQ Standard) rose by its maximum allowable single day limit of 300,000 yen (approx. US$3,000). The stock increased 28.79 percent to 1.342 million yen (approx. US$13,420). The rise comes on the heels of a 17 percent gain on Friday, May 9.
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A Must-Have Item for any Ice Cream Lover

May 13, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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On May 9, Akao Aluminum announced the release of the “Ice Cream Shovel,” the latest in its ispoon series of implements specially created to enhance your frozen confectionary eating experience. Under the careful supervision of Convenience Store Ice Cream Mania über blogger and frozen treat critic, “Ice-man” Fukudome, this most recent addition to the lineup was specifically designed for use with the rock hard, wooden-spoon-snapping-and-thus-stress-inducing cups of ice cream sold at convenience stores. With a limited production run of only 100, and priced at just 2,520 yen (about US$25), the spoons are sure to sell out, ah,…sometime.
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A Dark Day (Night) for South Korea’s Finest

May 12, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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According to a May 5 report in the Chosun Ilbo, a major South Korean daily, a police officer who arrived on the scene of a reported rape in progress in Suwon, the capital of Gyeonggi-do Province, failed to help the female victim claiming he misunderstood the situation as being an act of mutual consent, even though the perpetrator, a man in his twenties, was wearing an electronic ankle monitor and had a history of sexual offense.
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Hot Pot Restaurant in China Possibly Serves Rat Falsely Labeled as Lamb

May 12, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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According to Reuters and others, a major foreign-owned restaurant chain operating in China possibly used tainted meat products. An organized crime group exposed on May 2 is said to have sent falsely labeled meat products containing rat, fox and other contaminants to the Mongolian hot pot specialty restaurant chain Little Sheep which is owned by U.S.-based Yum! Brands of the U.S., operators of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) and other well-known restaurant chains. This latest revelation comes to light not long after it was revealed this past January that KFC China was using chicken that had received excessive doses of growth promoting agents and antibiotics. China has become a major market for the restaurant titan, and the company is said to be at wits end as it deals with successive scandals occurring there.
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Frozen Beer and Beer Cocktails – Mr. Sato Checks Out Kirin Ichiban Garden

May 8, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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With Golden Week over, it means summer and hot, humid days are just around the corner. Knowing you’ll need a cooling and refreshing oasis to escape to in the months ahead, Mr. Sato headed over to the Mori Trust Garden in Toranomom District, Tokyo to scope out the offerings at Kirin’s Ichiban Garden.

May 7, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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A team from Kitakyushu National College of Technology (Kitakyushu City, Fukuoka) and CrazyLabo (Koga City, Fukuoka) has developed two robots capable of detecting degrees of offensiveness in foot odor and breath.

Blow into the face of lovely Kaori, a female mannequin-headed robot, for a quick reading on whether or not you are ready to interact with others. After a brief analysis, Kaori will assign one of four ratings to the (un)pleasantness of your breath…
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Subway Japan to Offer 290 Yen Bran-Tastic Breakfast Sets

May 3, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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Jumping into an increasingly crowded morning menu market, starting May 15, some Subway’s in Japan will start selling bran muffin sandwiches and breakfast sets for the morning crowd.

Three different types of sandwiches using healthier, high-fiber bran muffins will be offered: soft-boiled egg, tuna and mayo, and ham and cheese.

May 3, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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On April 8, 2014, Microsoft will end support for its XP operating system which is still installed on one-third of PCs in Japan. After that date, the company will no longer provide corrective updates should any security flaws be discovered, meaning users will be more susceptible to risks such as information theft and leakage. Though local governments are moving ahead with replacement plans, “cost concerns” and “worries about human error” are weighing heavily on some municipalities as talk of strategies including simply unplugging vulnerable machines and duct taping their ethernet ports becomes worryingly common.

May 1, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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The coming of spring brings a coming change in fashion, which in turn prompts many to consider a slight change to their hairstyles. Lopping off a considerable length to go from “long” to “short”, adding a few streaks or coloring for accent, or perhaps getting a perm or wave will allow most people to achieve the look they’re after. One young Tokyo trendsetter, however, decided an extreme makeover was needed to celebrate the arrival of warmer weather and the start of the school year (April to March in Japan).

As the following picture shows she didn’t go with a garden variety cut, she went for the garden itself, turning her lovely locks into a… tomato!
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Sixth-Grader and Friends Served Beer and Other Alcoholic Drinks at Local Pub

Apr 29, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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On April 24, Kanagawa prefectural police sent papers to prosecutors concerning a pub operator in Yokohama city on suspicion that two of its female staff members violated the Entertainment Business Act by serving beer and other alcoholic drinks to a group of young girls, including a 6th grade elementary school student.
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Yahoo! Japan to Offer Employees One-Year Sabbaticals

Apr 29, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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Yahoo! Japan president Manabu Miyasaka announced at a press conference on the 25th that the company would introduce a new system by the end of the current fiscal year which allows employees to take up to one year off from their jobs. The system, which is based on the concept of sabbaticals, allows employees to spend up to one year freely pursing whatever they desire, albeit without pay. Though fairly common in the west, offering such a system of leave is very rare for a Japanese company.
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Tohoku Region Drug Dealers Slow to Anticipate Local Demand

Apr 28, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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“Customer growth is stronger now compared to immediately after the quake,” said G, an organized crime group affiliate familiar with the illegal drug market. The Great Hanshin-Awaji Earthquake of 1995 proved there was a good post-disaster market for illegal drugs among temporary housing residents and others suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). As a result, when the Great East Japan Earthquake struck, dealers from major urban centers swiftly loaded up and headed north to disaster-afflicted areas in the Tohoku region in search of quick profits.

According to G, “First on the scene were the stimulant drug pushers who began selling out of their cars on the back streets and in pachinko (pinball) parlor parking lots. Customers were wide-ranging, from high school students and young bar hostesses to grandfathers and grandmothers. Inferior grades of speed which couldn’t be sold in Tokyo and Osaka were offloaded there.”
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Area Man Forgets Kids’ Present in Unlikely Place after Night of Drunken Revelry

Apr 22, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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Figuring that buying his two young boys a present would help ease the wrath of an angry spouse when he got home late after a night of drinking with co-workers (as process known as nominication), company employee Taro Suzuki may have inadvertently left the gift in a public phone booth after calling his wife to say he would be later than expected due to having missed the last train.

“My boys have a huge aquarium and love gold fish,” said Suzuki while picking his ear with his house keys. “I thought if I brought home a few more their joy at receiving them would help calm the wife who, if past experience is any kind of indicator, might be somewhat displeased with my having missed dinner to go out for a few with the guys.”

It wasn’t until Suzuki got home and went to make his play, however, that he realized he no longer had the fish!

Apr 22, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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Sorry guys, but no more pick-and-mix cups, cones or parfaits of tantalizingly delicious Häagen-Dazs ice cream will be available in Japan as of Friday, the last of the well-known brand’s outlets is scheduled to close up on April 25.

Though you’ll no longer be able mix your favorite flavors into a cup of scrumptiousness at a Häagen-Dazs-branded shop, the purveyor of pleasurable experiences (or so the ads tell us) will continue to sell pre-packaged offerings at convenience stores and supermarkets throughout the country.

So I can still get Häagen-Dazs at the supermarket, what’s the big deal you ask? Well, the brick-and-mortar locations carried flavors and creations not available in off-the-shelf form.
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Food Fight! Mos Burger to Take on McDonald’s in the Breakfast Arena

Apr 21, 2013 by John Stuart Translations
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MOS (Mountain Ocean, Sun) Food Services announced on the 18th that it would open all 1,400 of its MOS Burger outlets at 7:00 a.m. by the end of the year. The hamburger chain already operates 430 of its stores from that early hour and plans to progressively open the remainder at that time. McDonald’s Japan had been aggressive in the breakfast space with its “Morning Mac” campaign, and MOS Burger’s move is expected to intensify competition. At a press conference MOS President and CEO Atsushi Sakurada explained that the number of people eating breakfast out was increasing, especially among the elderly and working women, adding, “Change in the morning person market is accelerating. I want to strengthen our preparedness.”

Could this mean additional woes for an already troubled McDonald’s Japan?