funny

Geopolitical dictionary: Japanese net users turn countries into verbs

Geopolitical dictionary: Japanese net users turn countries into verbs

You know how in English you can take pretty much any noun and make it a verbderivation for the cunning linguists out thereby adding to to the front? For example, how the search engine Google has become to google, as in, “Why the hell are you asking me? Go google it, you twit!”

Well, you can do the same thing in Japanese by adding -ru or a handful of other suffixes to the end of a word, and some Japanese net users recently had some fun with this by turning country names into some very non-PC verbs.

Have a look at our geopolitical dictionary and see how your country fared.

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Genius Chinese college students use indoor inflatable pools to beat summer heat

Genius Chinese college students use indoor inflatable pools to beat summer heat

I thought summers in America were hot, until I moved to Asia and learned firsthand what a hot summer is really like. In Japan, China and other parts of East Asia, the summer can be brutal to the point that people flock to public pools by the thousands, risking other people’s disgusting mud butt and possible drowning by crowd crush just to enjoy a few moments in the tepid water.

But a number of enterprising Chinese college students have apparently figured out a genius workaround: Just put a pool in your own dorm room.

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Miffy found trapped in vending machine, may need help from ninja frog to escape

Miffy found trapped in vending machine, may need help from ninja frog to escape

On the surface, being a beloved children’s character might seem like it’s all hugs and smiles. In the harsh world of reality, though, being so soft and cuddly, with no offensive capabilities, can have its downsides.

It was only a week ago, for example, that Sesame Street’s Elmo was discovered tied to a stake in the hinterlands of Japan, his mouth wide open as, we assumed, he screamed for help. Next on the list of cute captives: Dutch storybook bunny Miffy, who was found trapped inside a vending machine.

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Realistic stag beetle bread repulses and fascinates us

Realistic stag beetle bread repulses and fascinates us

For a country where rice is eaten at almost every meal, Japan has a surprising number of bakeries and pâtisseries. One stroll down the street of any city and eventually you’re likely to pass by the drifting aroma of freshly-baked bread and other sweet treats. Japanese bakeries aren’t afraid to have a little fun with their pan, either–just check out this Hello Kitty bread, Suica penguin bread, and these, well, rather unfortunate but hilarious attempts at capturing the essence of Doraemon, Totoro, and other popular characters!

Of course, you may want to stay clear of the bread in the above picture unless you’re an aspiring coleopterist (yes, that’s a word) or looking to gross out your younger siblings!

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“Poke” your favorite anime characters on LINE mobile chat app!【Instructions】

“Poke” your favorite anime characters on LINE mobile chat app!【Instructions】

Remember when “poking” your friends on Facebook was a trendy thing to do? I feel old now just by recalling how my schoolmates and I could spend the entire evening “poking” each other online, refreshing the browser page every few seconds in attempt to return a “poke” at the fastest timing possible. Well, the younger generation who only got on Facebook in the recent year or two probably wouldn’t have an idea what I’m talking about since the trend has died down.

But you know how trends are revived every once in a while? “Poking” is now back with a new force, this time on the globally popular free messaging mobile app, LINE. Sorry to dash your hopes if you were looking forward to giving your LINE friends a cyber poke because LINE users are “poking” their favorite (or least favorite) anime characters and celebrities instead!

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Sleepy? PC program dispatches anime girl to wake you up with encouragement, angry outbursts

Sleepy? PC program dispatches anime girl to wake you up with encouragement, angry outbursts

I don’t know if it was because of the layout of the surrounding skyscrapers, the beat-up old boom box we had in the lobby, or just a weak signal from the local broadcaster, but at one of my old jobs, we could never get a clear radio signal. This didn’t mean we had no musical accompaniment while we worked though, just that we had to use CDs. Unfortunately, on many days that meant a constant repeat of the Enya CD my boss would stick in the player.

She may be an award-winning artist, but a selection you could describe as “soothing and ethereal” wasn’t exactly the best choice to help power the staff through our shift. Sometimes I’d see one of my coworkers nodding off in front of his PC monitor, and I’d give him a quick, “Hey, wake up dude,” before our boss noticed.

I’m sure he appreciated the favor, but now technology can perform that same service for you, with a program that’ll send a cute anime girl onto your screen to wake you up if you doze off.

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Sony’s summer PlayStation Vita ads are all about growing up【Video】

Sony’s summer PlayStation Vita ads are all about growing up【Video】

We’re already well into the school summer holidays here in Japan, and Sony is taking the opportunity to entice younger gamers over to its decidedly more grown-up portable console, the PlayStation Vita. Join us after the jump for a closer look at these cheeky ads from Sony’s summer campaign.

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Cigarette-selling shiba becomes internet sensation, leverages fame for cucumbers

Cigarette-selling shiba becomes internet sensation, leverages fame for cucumbers

If you’ve been on the internet this week, you’ve probably seen this smiling face already. This shiba inu, cleverly named Shiba, manser, dogs?the counter at a little cigarette shop in the Musashi-Koganei neighborhood of Tokyo. Last week a video of Shiba at work went viral and now hordes of net surfers around the world are so charmed by the pooch’s customer service, they’re considering taking up smoking.

Since we know our readers love teh cute, we’ve got all the info about this clever spokesdog and photos for your enjoyment.

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Beat the kabe-don trend: Japanese Twitter users moving on to mata-don

Beat the kabe-don trend: Japanese Twitter users moving on to mata-don

Now that you’ve been acquainted with kabe-don, the most talked about romantic situation in Japan at the moment, and the ways to fend off unwanted kabe-don, here’s the latest variation to the wall-pounding approach – mata-don.

“Mata” refers to the crotch, and similar to kabe-don, mata-don involves one person sandwiching another between themselves and a wall, but this time with an additional move of putting their knee or foot between the other’s thighs. We can already imagine some guys cringing at this nerve-wracking pose. If your heart is still feeling fine, read on to get a glimpse of what mata-don commonly looks like!

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New father dresses like iconic pop culture characters and takes baths with his kid

New father dresses like iconic pop culture characters and takes baths with his kid

Normally I pride myself on being able to come up with at least somewhat clever headlines for my articles, but this story is so bizarrely specific, I ran out of space just trying to come up with a comprehensible title.

What you’re looking at is a new father who got the idea to pose with his daughter in the bathtub every couple of weeks to record her growth from gross poop machine into vaguely human infant. The man’s wife apparently proposed that they add a little makeup to dad’s face to make things interesting and then the situation, as you can see, kind of escalated from there.

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These new “wet swimsuit” and “men’s bra” t-shirts will help you find your inner baka this summer

These new “wet swimsuit” and “men’s bra” t-shirts will help you find your inner baka this summer

Japan’s hot and sticky summer days may mean that people are wearing slightly less than usual, but unless you’re some kind of magma demon impervious to the 34-degree heat we’ve been having recently, it also means you’ll be throwing sweat-soaked t-shirts and underwear into the washing machine with depressing frequency, making every other day laundry day.

Fortunately, book and cutesy crap emporium Village Vanguard has a couple of new t-shirts that are perfect for summer – and one of them already looks drenched before you even put it on!

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Super-enthusiastic convenience store clerk fights the man, continues serving the people

Super-enthusiastic convenience store clerk fights the man, continues serving the people

I’m not sure which is more surprising, the fact that Japan has convenience stores everywhere, or that every clerk working at them seems to be polite and attentive. Even with those high standards, though, occasionally you’ll come across a real standout employee, such as Family Mart’s Kato.

As we reported in June, Kato throws himself into his work with more energy and enthusiasm than any manager has a right to expect of front-line customer service workers. But while Kato’s unbridled passion for his job has made him something of a minor Internet celebrity, it’s also attracted the attention of Family Mart headquarters, which has asked the animated clerk to consider toning his act down.

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A six-year-old smashed the previous limbo skating record, in case you wanted to know

A six-year-old smashed the previous limbo skating record, in case you wanted to know

Who would have thought the world of limbo skating would be so competitive? Also, who would have thought limbo skating was a thing that exists?

Limbo skating is the sport of using old-school roller skates – we presume there’s some kind of rule about them having to be in pastel colors – to project yourself across the ground while staying as low as possible. Sometimes, limbo skaters can squish their bodies down to about the same height as a Coke bottle while bending their ankles at seemingly impossible angles to keep the roller skate’s wheels on the pavement.

So, since we went ahead and told you that limbo skating is a thing, we might as well also tell you that a 6-year-old just broke the previous limbo skating world record by limbo skating under 39 cars like it was nothing.

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It’s time for lazy calisthenics! Half-hearted exercises for those with blood type B 【Video】

It’s time for lazy calisthenics! Half-hearted exercises for those with blood type B 【Video】

As you may already have heard, blood type is kind of a big deal here in Japan. As well as being asked about your age, hobbies and family, it’s not in the least bit unusual to be probed about your blood type during welcome parties, dates or mixers. This isn’t because any of the attendees are sick and hoping to leech your life-giving fluid, but because there is a set of commonly held beliefs that blood type determines personality, and knowing whether someone is blood type A, B, AB or O can act as a shortcut to getting to know them. Or at least that’s the theory.

Today, we bring you a morning exercise routine devised especially for those who are blood type B. In case you hadn’t already guessed from the above GIF, the moves you’ll be performing here are made for those people who give up on things quickly, absolutely hate being told what to do and who aren’t afraid to show it.

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Don’t judge a cat by its back, it’ll catch you unaware and send you into a giggling fit!

Don’t judge a cat by its back, it’ll catch you unaware and send you into a giggling fit!

When we were young, most of our parents or teachers probably taught us not to judge a book by its cover. Well, here’s the continuation that we didn’t see coming. Don’t judge a cat by its back.

The HOTAC (Heart of Taiwan Animal Care) recently chanced upon a really unique cat that made their staff burst out in laughter. Are you curious to find out why? Photos of the funny feline after the jump!

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Beautiful when she’s angry? TV series features model yelling at the camera, and nothing else

Beautiful when she’s angry? TV series features model yelling at the camera, and nothing else

Japanese media seems to be run on the principal that adding attractive women to anything makes it better. Commercial for beer? Cast a high-profile actress. Serious news program? Let’s make a former bikini model the co-host. Posters encouraging people to fill out their census forms? We think they’ll be more effective if we use 75 percent of the space for a picture of a girl with a cute smile.

A new TV program seems set to carry this strategy to its illogical conclusion. Instead of enhancing the appeal of something men generally like or feel indifferent towards, broadcaster TV Tokyo’s idea is to create a miniseries that’s nothing but a good-looking girl chewing out the camera.

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Scammer aborts mission as trolling Line user offers to send cash intended for mother’s operation

Scammer aborts mission as trolling Line user offers to send cash intended for mother’s operation

Last month, we brought you news of a scam wherein users of Line, a free messaging application popular in Japan and South Korea, were being tricked into buying prepaid cards on behalf of friends whose accounts had been hacked. Thankfully, Japan’s Line users were just as wily, and set to trolling the hackers in return, sending goading messages, irritating emoticons and even nude pictures, but the scamming still continues, with the app’s makers struggling to stamp it out.

But as these hackers descend to new levels of douchery, legitimate Line users are levelling up their troll powers, like this Twitter user who managed to get the scammers to abort by feeding them a tale of woe.

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Rare emoticon sun spotted in the sky, brightens our day

Rare emoticon sun spotted in the sky, brightens our day

Earlier this week, one lucky Twitter user sure was in the right place at the right time to get this gorgeous shot of the setting sun…pretending to be an emoticon?! Wait a second, what’s going on here?!

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Japanese farmer uses terrifying scarecrow, traumatizes children

Japanese farmer uses terrifying scarecrow, traumatizes children

Twitter user @amatou320 posted a photo online of a rather, ah, innovative scarecrow on a Japanese farm. If you ask us, it’s far more terrifying than your standard straw-stuffed shirt and it probably elicits some tears from passing children too, but we’re not sure if it will really work on crows…

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That awkward moment when your phone rings on live TV… and then you make it worse 【Video】

That awkward moment when your phone rings on live TV… and then you make it worse 【Video】

Irritable ogre that I am, I’m always among those who look around and sigh audibly when someone lets their phone ring in the movie theatre. That said, even the best of us commit this terrible faux pas at some point–the act of switching our phones off before a film starts now so ingrained in our consciousness that we automatically assume that we must have already done it. It’s embarrassing as hell, made all the worse by the fact that the room is so dark and seats so cramped that it can be difficult to find the noisy little beast and silence it.

But imagine how much more embarrassing it would be if, instead of a movie theatre where everyone is focused on the screen, you’re on live TV with millions of people staring at you when your phone starts ringing. What would you do?

Hopefully your response wouldn’t be anything like this man’s…

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