Mr. Sato

“Don’t we have photos of Mr. Sato with a new iPhone?” “No, he spent two days at the wrong store.”

As you probably know, the newest iPhone was released last week to much fanfare the world over. Now, usually a new iPhone would be big news for our Japanese writers, who seem to have a bit of an addiction to Apple gadgets and can’t resist lining up to get them on day one But, as you may have noticed, we don’t have photos of Mr. Sato in a weird costume grinning with the new device this time round. What happened? Did we forget to write the article?

Well, no, we didn’t forget to write it…but someone did forget one important detail. In particular, Mr. Sato forgot where he was supposed to be waiting.

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Bread, noodles, and rice. We try ALL THE CARBS together with interesting results 【Rocket Kitchen】

Carbs have long gotten a bad rap for their supposed “unhealthiness”, which in turn has spurred a number of fad diets, from the Atkin’s to the gluten-free, that urge their followers to shun the grains. But most nutritionists will still argue that, unless you have specific allergies, your body needs carbohydrates to function at its best.

Of course, as with all things, moderation is the key. But sometimes it’s okay to give yourself a little treat, and what could be better than a big old bowl of all of the carbs. We’re talking rice, pasta, ramen, and bread combined together in one heavenly bowl. Couldn’t get any better than that. Or, you may be saying to yourself, it couldn’t get any worse. Either way, we decided to give it a try and find out!

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Attack on Titan live action movie receives its most colossal review from a Tiny Titan

As you probably know, Attack on Titan, the mega-popular manga and anime series, was recently adapted into a live-action movie and infamously received absolutely horrible reviews—it might be a toss-up between this movie and Fantastic 4 as to which summer blockbuster was worse. For its part, the Attack on Titan movie was so horrible that one Japanese critic hoped for the titans to eat the characters and be done with the whole thing. No one is asking Dr. Doom to eat Mr. Fantastic…yet.

As they say though, you shouldn’t judge something till you see it for yourself, so we had to send one of our own.

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Pretty Princess Sato: Our hero gets his makeup done by a pro, brings all the boys to the yard

We love our Mr. Sato. He’s the perfect combination of crazy, silly, and reckless — kind of like a Bugs Bunny that smokes! He’s also not exactly the youngest writer on the staff and is no stranger to being called “ugly” by cruel Japanese commenters. And Mr. Sato seems to have embraced this designation, even calling himself ugly at times.

Obviously, we completely disagree, but who listens to us? Certainly not Mr. Sato! Instead, he went out and found a professional makeup artist to do him up pretty before heading to a photo booth to see just how much of a pretty, pretty princess he could be. So how did it turn go for him? Read on to find out!

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Kurand Sake Market opens Asakusa branch, Mr. Sato and Yoshio imbibe to their hearts’ content!

On September 2, Kurand Sake Market opened a new shop in the Asakusa district of Tokyo. This location is a sister branch to the original Kurand Sake Market which opened earlier this year in Ikebukuro, where sake lovers can sample 100 varieties of sake for 3,000 yen (US$24.64) per person with no time limit.

The Asakusa branch invited curious members of the media in for a sneak peek before its grand opening to the public, so we promptly sent our sake-loving reporters Mr. Sato, a veteran of the Ikebukuro shop, and Sailor Venus-cosplaying reporter extraordinaire Yoshio to check things out. But rather than write their opinions for each of the 30 individual brands they sampled, which would undoubtedly become tedious after a while, they decided to create a handy visual guide so that you can gauge their reactions to each cup with a picture, thus eliminating any language barriers in the process. Let the sake festivities begin!

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Mr. Sato smokes some dead leaves he found on the street 【Retro Sato】

With RocketNews24’s fast-paced global news cycle of Polish otaku nylon parties and Taiwanese McDonald’s employees, we can’t always keep up on all the escapades of our star reporter Mr. Sato. So, every once in a while we would like to take a look back to some of his past antics that we might have missed in a segment called “Retro Sato.”

This installment we’re going way back to the year 20 hundred and 14. It was a simpler time when Pharrell’s “Happy” was topping the charts and an Ebola outbreak was threatening to destroy us all. However, on one unusually chilly March morning Mr. Sato was taking a walk to ease his troubled heart. A sales tax hike was set to take place in a few weeks and that meant his monthly cigarette budget would have to go up as well. It was then that some dead leaves gently floated down in front of his eyes.

“That’s it! I’m a freaking genius!” thought Mr. Sato as he gathered a bunch of the fallen foliage in a plastic bag and ran back to the RocketNews24 offices.

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Mos Burger’s sauce-soaked Wet Burger sure is wet, but is it worth your burger bucks? 【Taste test】

A few days ago, we talked about fast food chain Mos Burger’s plan to unleash something called the Wet Burger, or Nure Burger in Japanese. Unlike normal sandwiches which are content to have their sauce on the inside, the Wet Burger is submerged in tomato sauce before serving.

But is this new challenger a legitimate rival to the standard Mos Burger, already considered one of the stars of the Japanese fast food scene? Or is it simply too bold and saucy for its own good?

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History Channel shows our Mr. Sato to the U.S.…as a student who’ll eat anything for five bucks?!?

Here at RocketNews24, we like to think our Japanese-language reporter Mr. Sato doesn’t just belong to us, but that he belongs to the world. After all, the value of panning for nuggets of wisdom in his stream of craziness transcends any mere national boundaries.

And now it seems Mr. Sato belongs to history as well, as we recently found out he was featured on American TV as part of the History Channel’s family of programing. It’s a great honor…except for the part where they mistakenly introduce him as a college student who’ll eat anything for five bucks!

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Mr. Sato discovers the band of his dreams: this small box

Hardcore readers of RocketNews24 may have caught the very few instances where Mr. Sato has pulled out a guitar and started playing. It’s easy to miss, though, as Mr. Sato is what’s known as a bochi gitarisuto (lonely guitarist) who plays alone at home solely for his own satisfaction.

But now our reporter is all too eager to show of his guitar stylings after discovering the Trio Band Creator by DigiTech. It looks just like a normal effects pedal but actually adds an automatic bass and drum accompaniment based on your own playing.

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Sushi shop in Tokyo has no name, passes savings on to you with 10-yen sushi!

In Yoyogi, Tokyo, there stands an unnamed sushi shop which sells impressively crafted sushi at rock-bottom prices. It’s a fairly new restaurant, known to locals as “The Sushi Shop With No Name” or “That Sushi Shop That Still Doesn’t Have A Name.”

To us, it became known as “The Place That Serves Yellowtail Sushi For Only 10 Yen (US$0.08) A Piece!” Granted, that’s not the catchiest of names, especially with the conversion to US dollars, but it’s definitely enticing.

And so, our resident sushi expert Mr. Sato set out to find this shop with no name and see if their quality also makes this a place worth visiting.

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Mr. Sato travels the distance to try 100-yen takoyaki

When one of our Japanese writers grew frustrated with Mr. Sato spending so much money on his lunch while at the office, they decided to show him that it’s possible to get great food at a fraction of the cost. And not just any food, but takoyaki!

Cheap takoyaki? This place must be in Osaka, right? Wrong! Mr. Sato soon found himself on an altogether different flight from Haneda airport, bound for octopus balls and adventure.

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No dinner plans for Wednesday night? Why not eat a camel hump in Tottori, like we just did?

Here at RocketNews24, every now and again we come across a restaurant or snack maker offering something that doesn’t sound at all appetizing, but is just too unique to pass up. In the past, my coworkers Steve and Amy have sampled wasp-filled rice crackers and bee larvae, and my own stomach and psyche are only now recovering from a dessert of not one, but two types of cakes made with chunks of tuna.

Now, it’s out intrepid Japanese-language reporter Mr. Sato’s turn to pull up a chair to the crazy dining table, and camel hump is on the menu.

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This amazing sand sculpture museum is tiny Tottori Prefecture’s hidden tourist gem

Remember when Tottori Prefecture finally got a Starbucks after all these years of being one of the few places in the world without one? Oh man, that was crazy.

Tottori is just one of those places. The kind of area that’s so quiet and uneventful that not even Starbucks, the corporate giant that’s more than happy to smother historic cultural heritage sites with their over-roasted beans and pricey lattes for a quick buck, spent decades more or less pretending it didn’t even exist. The Prefecture’s population of just over half a million is shockingly small by densely-populated Japan’s standards, and it’s just generally ignored by the rest of Japan as a place that, well… doesn’t have much to see, to put it kindly.

But wait a second! What’s this?! Tottori has been sitting on an amazing tourist draw in the form of a sand sculpture museum that features mind-boggling, award-winning and massive sand sculptures and they basically haven’t even really told anybody about it.

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Does how you dress affect what a sushi restaurant serves you? We experiment in Ginza

Take a stroll down the streets of Ginza and you’ll have no trouble realizing it’s Tokyo’s epicenter of everything posh and luxurious. The neighborhood is packed with shop after shop boasting high-end fashion, jewelry, and dining, so it’s only natural to think that any sushi restaurants in the area cater to an upscale clientele.

That being said, three reporters from our Japanese-language sister site began to wonder what would happen if they went to a Ginza sushi restaurant dressed to varying degrees of formality and ordered a special o-makase (“leave it to the chef”) course.

Would they each be offered different menu items depending on how they were dressed? Would their bills come out to be significantly different? With these burning questions in mind (and the prospect of eating sushi in the guise of journalism), they decided to conduct a little experiment to find out for themselves!

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Mr. Sato eats curry with his hands on a park bench because spoons are for losers

You may have noticed by now that RocketNews24’s resident wacky mascot reporter Mr. Sato just loves stuffing his face with food – and occasionally other people’s faces, too. In fact, he loves food so much that he’s always looking for new ways to spice up each eating experience. That’s what we love about Mr. Sato, he really knows how to enjoy himself by pushing the boundaries of taste and style!

This time, he had the excellent idea of eating Japanese curry with his hands whilst crouched on a park bench at night…

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Mr. Sato went to Ganguro Cafe and discovered his beautiful inner gyaru 【Pics】

As you probably know, our ace reporter Mr. Sato has his own special way of doing things. Rather than just going to check out a popular speedy steak-cooking restaurant, he instead cooks the steak himself and shoves it in people’s faces. Rather than just buying some butter, he straps a bottle of cream to a helmet and goes around a track in a racecar, getting the g-forces to churn it for him.

So when he heard about the ganguro dress-up and makeup cafe Black Diamond in Shibuya, he couldn’t just write a quick review of the place and be done with it; he had to become one with the cafe and its staff. This is the story of how Mr. Sato became a fashionable gyaru for a day, and we have the glorious pictures to prove it.

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We try serving a steak in 8.6 seconds, turned out to be surprisingly erotic

The steakhouse chain Ikinari! Steak! is all the rage in Japan right now thanks to its unique method of cooking your steak immediately after you tell them how you want it. Combined with standing tables, it provides regular steakhouse quality meat at speeds that rival fast food joints.

It got our staff to thinking about how the speedy service of Ikinari! Steak! is so popular. If we, too, could get steak into the mouths of customers within just a few seconds of them ordering, then maybe we could get into the restaurant game and be even more successful.

And so, research into such a steak service was underway, but as often is the case with our research, things somehow devolved into a cheesy porno starring one of our male writers in a bikini.

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Looking for a great meal in Tokyo? Try this cigarette stand

When starting a restaurant, creating a good appearance is important. In a way, the look of an eatery reflects the quality of food that it serves. Looks can be deceptive, however, as just like people, the beauty of a restaurant might be limited to the surface.

The opposite also holds true, though, as our own Mr. Sato learned during an excursion to the Dogenzaka area of Tokyo. Inside this unassuming cigarette stand that you wouldn’t even realize was a restaurant, he found one of the best meals he ever had.

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Can you make butter using a bottle of cream and a sports car? Mr. Sato’s Wild Ride 【Video】

Last fall, we looked at an issue very close to our hearts (and arteries): the continuing butter shortage in Japan. In times of crisis, it goes without saying that the Japanese people look to RocketNews24 for leadership and guidance, and we came up with a solution.

While it’s getting harder to find butter in Japan, milk and cream are still easy to come by, and if you shake cream hard enough for an extended time you end up with butter. But while our athletically toned staff would ordinarily be up to such a task, we have to keep our arms’ musculature in prime, rested condition for the hours of typing that go into our articles. That’s why we turned to something just as powerful as a team of Internet writers, as automaker Nissan supplied us with a high-powered sports car.

Lacking hands, though, it’s not like a car can grip the handle of a butter churner. So instead, we grabbed a bottle of cream, hopped in the car, and tore off for several laps around one of Japan’s most famous racing circuits, with the goal of subjecting the cream to enough g-forces to turn it into butter. Did our plan work? Read on and find out!

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All-you-can-eat buffet for 500 yen?! Mr. Sato investigates

Swedish furniture store Ikea has made a name for itself worldwide, not only for the size of its stores and decently priced, assemble-it-yourself furnishings, but also for the extremely cheap fare found in their food courts.

Now, they’re really putting the icing on the cake: For a limited time, Ikeas across Japan are having an hour-long all-you-can-eat “Oriental Buffet” for the insane price of only 500 yen (US$4)! But what will only 500 yen get you, you ask? Actually quite the spread, it seems!

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