Master Blaster

Writer / Translator

Master Blaster is the two-man translating team of Canada’s Steven Le Blanc and Japan’s Masami M, a pair who in addition to writing work are in English education and created the StudyNow app for Japanese students of English.

Together they have written somewhere around 1,500 articles for RocketNews24 covering such diverse topics as Chinese men selling sanitary napkins to each other and a Japanese guy dragging an ear of corn around the Tokyo train system. A few of these were actually good, but don’t take our word for it! Here’s what our beloved readers had to say:

“One isn't always in the mood for bold tastes. But when I'm in the mood for bold flavor I turn to you.”
“Stupid article. Who cares what the Japanese think it's cool. You don't call a monkey, "gorilla".”
“You know, this is about the most cogent explanation of how a turbocharger works that I have ever seen in the non-motorsports world.”
“Thanks for the article peter!”
“It's people like you who make exploitation possible.”
“It looks yummy and the story was great. Thank you for the smile.”

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All Stories by Master Blaster

Siri Puts the “Ass” Back into Personal Assistant with Her Japanese Record Debut

Japanese independent musicians IOSYS (ee-oh-she-su) have a treat in store for us this Christmas.  They created a concept album titled Teach me Shiri Sensei! starring everyone’s favorite virtual assistant who only knows what you’re saying half of the time, Siri.

You might be wondering from the image above why anthropomorphic moé Siri (yes, that’s her) has a severe case of plumber’s crack. It’s not just pervy for the sake of being pervy. In Japanese, there isn’t really a “see/si” sound. Instead, it’s a “she” sound.

First, this can make it very funny when a Japanese person asks “May I take a seat?” Second, this changes the pronunciation of Siri to “Shiri”, which is the Japanese word for “buttocks.”  This word play is a major theme in the album.

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Homo Toys Raise Issues of Meme Trademarks and Corporate Coopting of Them

Awhile back we ran an article about the US Navy’s latest robot resembling a Japanese Twitter meme called Homo.

Originally created to mock the homoerotic anime-loving Japanese female (fujoshi), homo is a somewhat humanoid creature the crawls along on all fours and utters “homooooo” as it searches far and wide for gay porn.

On twitter this little guy/gal/thing is represented by the ASCII characters ┌(┌ ^o^)┐, however several artistic depictions can be found on twitter or if you check our previous article.

The cute little whatever has found a following among the Japanese internet to the point that some are trying to profit from Homo.  A reporter from Byokan Sunday recently encountered a capsule machine with a line of Homo figurines, but is this legal?

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How to Make the Geekiest Drink Ever: #c0ffee. No, not coffee, #c0ffee!

Have you ever heard that stoner question: “What does like, yellow taste like man?”

Recently a group of guys in Tokyo developed a recipe for a color called #c0ffee.  Those who don’t use computers heavily may assume it’s a brownish color but…

It’s actually a light turquoise, like this.

#c0ffee” is a hexadecimal color code, which is basically a combination of letters from a to f and numbers that web pages interpret as a specific color. Hexadecimal color codes are denoted by a hash tag so the little magic elves running the internet know that it’s not a string of nonsense. For example: #FFFFFF indicates black, #FF0000 indicated red, and #c0ffee indicates that light turquoise color above.

So how did they create a beverage the same color as #c0ffee? Is there even any real coffee involved?

Not in the least! The recipe for #c0ffee consists of sardines, cabbage and milk.  What’s surprising is that after crating the recipe and putting on Cook Pad, Japan’s most popular recipe-sharing website, a couple of people actually tried it and said it was “delicious.”

Finding it hard to believe a bluish-green drink made from fish could be delicious, I set out to whip up a batch and try it myself!

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Looking for Work Fellas? How about a Job Where You’re Always Surrounded by Women? Nursing!

As the global recession trudges along, unemployment rates remain high leaving many young men laid off or graduating without job prospects. Luckily a new avenue of employment for men has opened up in Japan.

Up until not long ago, nursing in Japan was exclusively done by women. Even as more and more women took on careers as doctors, the idea of a man being a nurse was about as absurd as a cow being one. However, nowadays more and more Japanese men are beginning to follow in the footsteps of Florence Nightingale.

So what are the pros and cons of becoming a male nurse?

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Korean Man Develops Sex Offender Detector

South Korea has been enacting more stringent punishments for violent sexual crimes which appear to be on the rise in the country.  As the government is recommending castration as a possible solution one citizen is doing his part to prevent these awful crimes.

His name is Hong Gwang Ui, a 43 year-old father of a four year old son, and using his knowledge as an engineer for the military he crafted a simple device which sets off an alarm if within 30 meters of a convicted sex offender.

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Expert Mode Claw Game Found in Russia

You know those claw or crane games that are usually found in the corner of a bowling alley or Chuckie Cheese’s? In Japan, they’re widely known as UFO catchers and are a huge industry. In most places you can find entire rooms packed with them offering prizes ranging from key chains to iPads.

A video put up on YouTube revealed the ultimate claw game found in Russia.  In this game, the prizes fight back.

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Briefs in Brief: Top Underwear Developments in Japan

Things are getting busy for the unsung hero of clothing, underwear.  In recent years developments in the underwear technology sector have been coming in fast and furious.

The following is a report of some progressive underpants that promise to cut smells, back pain and will rub your belly while you sleep.

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Clogged Toilet? Just Hire an Idol from Yahoo! Auctions to Take Care of It

After the entame (entertainment) section of Japan’s Yahoo! Auction opened, the innovative “heavy-metal idols” Alice Juban almost immediately put themselves under the hammer for a live performance to an audience of one winning bidder.

It looks like other idol groups are following suit and making use of the online auction site as a way to promote themselves.  As a result, the entame section is beginning to look more like Craig’s List since you can now rent a member of five-piece girl group BiS (Brand-new idol Society) to clean your home for 3 hours.

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Hatsune Miku Stars in Humanless Opera “THE END”, It Ain’t Over ‘Till the Incredibly Skinny Vocaloid Sings

Yamaguchi Center for Arts and Media is about to add a new twist to a classical performance.  At the beginning of December they are set to hold probably the first ever Vocaloid opera, titled THE END.

The opera is supported by a strong production team but was recently announced to have gotten some brand name backing from the fashion industry.  Fashion world titan Marc Jacobs and a team from Louis Vuitton are lending their talents to costume the lead Hatsune Miku.

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The Slow Rise to Success of the Stapleless Stapler, Japan’s Latest Office Trend Poised to Take the World

Get ready to say goodbye to staples.  Not the office supply chain, those little metal pins we’ve relied on for so long to fasten papers together.  Japan is currently undergoing the no-staple revolution thanks to some innovative new products that have surprisingly been around for a long time – stapleless staplers!

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Better Soccer through Feng Shui, Change of Place Hoped to Beef Up China’s National Team

The Chinese Football Association (CFA) has had their hands full for a long time with their lackluster international national team. To add insult to injury, fans of Chinese soccer have grown even more disillusioned due to allegations of corruption in recent years.

Chinese media reports that the longstanding woes of the national team were due to some bad qi floating around the CFA headquarters. Apparently, having a building facing North by Northwest makes your executives degenerate gamblers.

However, by applying the principals of feng shui to their new offices perhaps the association can flow into a reversal of fortune.

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Mercedes-Benz Creates Anime Series or Commercial… or Both

Mercedes-Benz seems to be pulling out all the stops to advertise their 2013 model of A-Class car, the A 180.  In fact they have created a six-minute animated feature starring the A 180, in a rollicking race for the ultimate prize titled Next A Class.

Luckily, I grew up in the era of advertisements thinly veiled as cartoons. All the Noids or Cavity Creeps in the world couldn’t sway my purchasing preferences.  Years of Chester Cheetah and Fido Dido have hardened my mind to the subliminal messages animations can carry.

So although this anime short was well made and entertaining, it in no way swayed my opinion of this sleek new A 180 that perfectly combines the high performance of a sports car with the economic sensibility of a compact.

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New Dragon Ball Z Movie Title Chosen, Limited Edition Tickets to Go on Sale

Our collective rears were tickled with the teaser trailer for a new Dragon Ball Z movie penned by its original creator, Akira Toriyama this past summer, and now a new glimpse of the new movie has arrived – the official title. Along with the announcement comes a once in a life time offer!

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Meet China’s Next Top Model: This Old Dude!

Netizens in China have been going wild for the most sensational model to ever hit the scene, 72 year-old Ping Liu Qian.  Since his breakout in the fashion industry his slender frame has held a wide range of women’s clothing styles with a grace and elegance rarely seen in the profession.

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Chinese Man Injects Pressurized Air into Anus While Cleaning Pants

We all know those high pressure air pumps that can be found at gas stations or in factories, but have you ever wondered what it would be like to stick that hose in your rear and let her rip?

Me neither.

Nevertheless, for those with a morbid curiosity, a factory worker in China was cleaning his pants with an industrial strength air pump when a slip of the wrist sent highly pressurized air rushing up his rump.  Amazingly, the 26 year-old survived to give a detailed account of his ordeal.

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Tokyo University Makes Calculator Using Robot, What It Lacks in Usefulness It Makes Up for in Cuteness

Japan is well known for both its love and skill of robots.  Free of the terminator-induced prejudices of western cultures, they have blazed the way for robotic tour guides, waitresses, fish, singers, hairdressers, waste baskets, cyclists, rock-paper-scissors players, cockroaches, butts

With so many robots, it’s hard to come up with an original one.  But they are still out there. Tokyo University’s Center for the Study of Robotics came up with Denta-kun, the calculator using robot.  Just to make it clear, the robot does not calculate. It just uses a calculator.

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The Results are in! Did The Pocky Day Challenge Defeat iPhone5 for Guinness World Record?

Last week, on 11 November, Ezaki Glico celebrated Pocky & Pretz Day (11/11) with the Try World Record campaign in which the snack maker hoped to gather the most tweets containing the name “Pocky” in one day thus entering the Guinness World Records.

The goal was set at 1.11 million tweets, for obvious visual reasons, and to defeat the previous “The Brand Name Most Tweeted in 24 Hours” record holder, iPhone5, which got 1.08 million tweets on its release day. And the winner is…

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Japan’s Newest National Stadium Design is Decided, but is it the Best Choice?

Since its construction finished in 1958, Japan’s National Stadium in Shinjuku, Tokyo has served its nation proud. It was the field of play for the 1964 Summer Olympics and survived the 2011 Tohoku earthquake unscathed.

However, with the 2019 Rugby World Cup scheduled, it was time for a makeover to the tune of (pinky finger to lips) a billion dollars!

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