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Steven Simonitch

Writer / Translator

Though a native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Steven currently resides in Nagano, Japan, where he is known by the old lady at the supermarket as "the white guy who always buys 2 packs of natto." Having finished a 2 year stint teaching English with the JET program, Steven now spends his days writing silly things about Japan while vainly insisting to his parents that he's a "journalist" working for an established "newspaper."

Aside from writing banal stories about hot Asian women and cheeseburgers, Steven is also working with dojin circle Creative Freaks to localize their fitness app/ Japanese dating sim series, Burn your fat with me!! (known as Nensho! in Japan).

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Posted by Steven

Can ‘Make Me Asian’ App Make Japanese People Look Asian Too? We Investigate

Recently a lot of Asian Americans are getting their pantsu in a bunch about an Android app called “Make Me Asian” that allows users to slant their eyes, yellow their skin and add other stereotypical Asian features to their photos.

Critics say the app uses dated and racist stereotypes that marginalize and humiliate Asian Americans. There is even an online petition asking Google to remove the app, which has nearly 3,000 signatures as of December 28.

Alright, so the Asian American community is clearly offended, but what do Asian Asians think of this app?

Well, they think it’s pretty fun, actually.

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Santa Biker Gang Spotted in Tokyo

Our reporter was walking through downtown Tokyo on Christmas Eve (alone, of course) when suddenly from behind a large posse of Santas on motorcycles came riding up from behind, filling the streets with the sound of roaring engines and holiday cheer.

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Ukraine is known for being home to some of the most beautiful women in the world, and also these two.

It seems the gene pool is so refined in Ukraine that even their soldiers and gorgeous, and the military must know it because every year they hold the “Miss Trooper” contest, a beauty pageant to determine the most stunning soldier female soldier in the Ukraine army.

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McDonald’s Guarantees Your Order in 60 Seconds or You Get a Free Burger, Employs Actual Hourglass

From January 4 to January 31, McDonald’s Japan will run a marketing campaign they’re calling “Enjoy! 60 Second Service”, where customers who are made to wait any more than a minute for their order during the hours of 11:00 AM to 2:00 PM will receive a coupon for a free McDonald’s burger of their choice. 

Even if staff are able to prepare the order within a minute, all customers who visit during the 4-hour time frame will receive a coupon for a free small-size ‘Premium Roast Coffee’.

To prove that the campaign isn’t all talk and no substance, staff at each of the 3,300 participating McDonald’s restaurants will be required to flip over an hourglass measuring one minute each time an order is placed.

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Japanese YouTubers Giving Away Cute Sandwich Cutters Worldwide in Creative Collaboration

One of the the things people find most charming about food in Japan is how creative the presentation can be. From adorable panda rice balls to over the top bento lunchboxes, the Japanese have perfected the art of making food something that you can enjoy with both your eyes and your mouth.

If you’ve ever wanted to try your hand at food presentation à la Japan, six Japanese YouTube channels are holding a giveaway for a set of cute sandwich cutters, as well as introducing six creative ways to use them.

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Some foods are so spicy that consuming them can leave the more intolerant of us with an upset stomach. It was once believed that eating lots of spicy food could even cause gastric ulcers—a break in the tissue lining of the stomach—but this has since been proven false, the credit stolen by a bacterium known as Helicobacter pylori. If you find yourself retching with pain after lunch at an Indian food buffet, you’ve likely aggravated an existing condition and should probably have it checked out.

So as colorful as the expression is, eating spicy food can’t actually “burn a hole in your stomach”. At least, it shouldn’t be able to, which is why doctors at a hospital in Wuhan, China, were scratching their heads when a 26-year-old man with no history of gastrointestinal disorders was brought in after eating soup so spicy that it opened a hole in the wall of his stomach.

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Nothing says winter in Japan like the kotatsu, a low wooden table frame covered by a heavy blanket, upon which a table top sits. Built in underneath is a heat source, either electric or charcoal.

Similar to the image of a Western family sitting in front of the fireplace on Christmas Eve, the scene of a family huddled around the kotatsu, usually placed in front of the living room TV, eating mandarin oranges and watching New Year’s programming is what comes to most people’s minds when mentioning the winter holidays in Japan.

With this in mind, Sanriku Railway Co., which operates two lines along the beautiful Sanriku coast of Iwate Prefecture, Japan, is offering passengers the ultimate Japanese winter relaxation experience with their “Kotatsu Train” (Kotatsu Ressha), a special two-car train equipped with 12 kotatsu so you can enjoy the scenery pass by from the comfort of your own (simulated) living room.

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On Christma Day, 2010, an anonymous donor left ten 30,000 yen ($360) randoseru backpacks outside a Japanese orphanage in Gunma Prefecture. Attached to the bags was a card signed by Naoto Date, the secret identity of fictional Japanese wrestler Tiger Mask, who, in the popular 1960s manga by the same name, fought for orphans after being raised in an orphanage himself.

The story was picked up by the press and a week later, on January 1, 2011, a similar donation of backpacks was left at an orphanage in Kangawa Prefecture, again with a note signed by Naoto Date. By January 11, over 100 “Tiger Mask” donations, ranging from backpacks to toys, food, and monetary gifts, had been reported at various children’s facilities across the country.

After that, little was heard from Tiger Mask, aside a second donation to the original orphanage in Gunma on Christmas Day, 2011, which failed to inspire a wave of charity as it had the previous year.

Has Tiger Mask forgotten about the children of Japan?

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Japan Inadvertently Summons Tentacle Monster Into This Realm with Holiday Potato Salad Recipe

This Christmas, Japanese retail conglomerate Aeon is conjuring an ancient evil from a centuries-long slumber— and bringing it to the dinner table for your family to enjoy!

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Two New Ghibli Films Out in Summer 2013, Posters Revealed!

In case you needed another reason to hope the world doesn’t end on December 21, Studio Ghibli has officially announced it will release two new films on the same day in summer 2013.

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Beautiful HDR Time-lapse of Tokyo Will Make You Want to Travel to Japan. Now.

One of the many wonderful things about modern technology is that it not only allows us to visit new places from the comfort of our homes, but also to experience familiar places in completely new ways.

For example, I have visited Tokyo numerous times over the three years I have called Japan my home and I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what the city is all about: skyscrapers, bright lights, crowds of busy people, corn man. But run all that through high-dynamic-range (HDR) imaging, record it in time-lapse, and watch it on YouTube in 1080p and the city sights I know so well take on a completely different, almost otherworldly, appearance.

Check out the video below!

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It seems like nearly every city, town, and village in Japan has a cute mascot character to represent it. Usually these are yuru-kyara, anthropomorphic characters often designed with qualities representing whatever that municipality is known for.

The city of Suwa, Nagano, however, knows that the worth of a mascot character should be judged not by how well it represents the region, but by how well it sells. And in Japan, nothing sells better than cute anime girls.

That’s why they came up with Suwa-hime, or Princess Suwa, a young anime princess from medieval Japan with her own manga, voice actress, and line of original figures and goods.

Since her creation in 2011, Suwa-hime has been such a success that the city has even started printing her on their official marriage certificates, and the nerdy public official who came up with her is likely basking in splendid vindication of his hobby for the first time in his life.

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Amazing AU Commercial Turns Tokyo Into Night Club— With Daft Punk!

Some Japanese companies are known for making really clever commercials, others are known for making some really dumb commercials (looking at you Sony).

Mobile carrier au (pronounced “A-U”) has proven itself a part of the former camp with its fantastic new commercial, “FULL CONTROL/Xmas”, which shows what Tokyo might look like if it were turned into one giant night club.

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High-Speed Chocolate: A Look at the New Shinkansen Kit Kat and Other Cool Japanese Kit Kat Packages

Japan gets all the cool Kit Kats. Since 2000, Nestlé has introduced over 200 flavors and varieties of the chocolate bar to Japan, from chestnut and espresso to baked corn and soy sauce.

Some flavors come and go with the seasons and others are exclusive to certain regions; at the souvenir shops of my home prefecture Nagano you can find the tasty Shinshu Apple flavor and the questionable Ichimi Ground Red Pepper flavor.

One of our Japanese reporters recently came across a new variety of Kit Kat at Nagoya Station that we thought was pretty cool. While the Kit Kat bars themselves are the regular milk chocolate flavor—which, mind you, differs from country to country—the box art is inspired by the Tokaido Shinkansen line and should be familiar to anyone who has ridden the bullet train in Japan.

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Fan-Made “Dragon Ball Z: Saiyan Saga” Trailer is Finally Out! Take Notes, Hollywood

Big-budget live-action remakes of anime and manga are tricky business. One one hand, you’ve got to please the fans, who you know will be sitting in the theater with pen and paper scrutinizing every scene. But you also have to make money, which often means watering down the source material to make it digestible for regular movie-goers. As a result, live-action remakes are usually denounced by fans (and critics), but still manage to turn a profit in the box office.

This is why we love DragonBall Z: Saiyan Saga, a live-action non-profit Dragon Ball Z trailer made by fans not because they want to make a buck, but because they love the series so damn much.

The 5 minute 44 second trailer was finally released on YouTube yesterday after months of production, and looks absolutely amazing. Check it out below!

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Yes, you read the title correctly: while Americans are stocking their shopping carts with presents for their friends and family, Japanese shoppers are fighting over the last box of Mega Big Boys.

Okay, that may be slightly exaggerated, but according to JEX Condoms, sales of condoms in Japan increase by roughly 8% around the winter holidays, the bulk of which is thought to occur before or during Christmas Eve.

But why? Do Japanese people have nothing better to stuff their stockings with? Not quite, and to understand why condoms sell so well on the holiest of nights, we need to take a look at how the holiday is celebrated by many people in the country.

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Japan’s “Rent-a-Boyfriend”Dispatch Service: Because Japanese Women Get Lonely Too

Japan provides its lonely men with plenty of way to find sweet respite from the emptiness and isolation of everyday life—provided you have the cash. And we’re not just talking about prostitution: you can rent a girlfriend at Moé Date for day of “simulate romance” or find a cuddle partner at Soine-ya to help you rest easy at night.

But what about the ladies? Women get lonely too, so it seems unfair that such services would only be available to men.

Believe it or not, even before either of the above establishments were in business, there was Soine-ya Prime, a dispatch service where women can hire a handsome young man to lay with her in bed for a night.

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