Rona Moon

Writer / Translator

As a Kiwi kid growing up in the green hills of New Zealand, Rona Moon never dreamed she would end up packed in like sushi on the Yamanote line every morning, wearing a suit with discreet underarm sweat pads. Moving to Japan in 2005, she survived a tough initiation of hazing as a Japanese company employee in the pumping heart of Tokyo, did her best to become as Japanese as possible and succeeded in acquiring a great love for karaoke and a cute way of hiding her smile with her hands. Rona now works as a freelance writer and translator, with a special interest in literary translation and the erotic side of Japan (no tentacles barred).

All Stories by Rona Moon

Once Seen, Can Never Be Unseen: Pictures That Speak a Thousand Obscene Words

May 11, 2013 by Rona Moon
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A picture speaks a thousand words, so they say. But if pictures could actually talk, sometimes you wish they would just shut up and go away. Other times, no matter how awful or shocking a picture may be, you somehow can’t tear your eyes away and you stare in bewilderment, struck by new fears for the future of humanity, wondering why cameras were ever invented if they were just going to be used to chronicle mass pool orgies of blow-up dolls.

If you can shed light on any of these shocking images, comments are very welcome. Japanese netizens were mostly left dumbstruck by the level of perversion. More bizarre amateur photography coming up after the break! Obviously, NSFW…

May 11, 2013 by Rona Moon
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If you haven’t seen them already, the images of Disney villains given a more attractive spin have been making the rounds. In fact, some think they appear so beautiful that despite their notorious villainy, they’re probably out of most people’s league… especially Ursula, the half-woman, half-octopus from The Little Mermaid, and Jafar from Aladdin, who’s now a dead ringer for Omar Borkan Al Gala, one of the men allegedly kicked out of Saudi Arabia for being too ridiculously handsome.

Anyway, from Cruella de Vil to Shan Yu, they’ve all been given an extra tszuj and they’re absolutely fabulous. While many find the combination of bad and beautiful well-nigh irresistible, you could also draw a few conclusions as to society’s obsession with beauty (and Disney). Sigh.

Check out these dramatic before-and-after makeovers!

May 7, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Desperate to master the power moves we’d seen so many times in our favourite anime (Japanese animated cartoon), we practiced them day and night. Nothing impresses friends and destroys enemies like a well-timed “Turtle Destruction Wave”. Sure of our eventual success and rise to glory, we eagerly followed in the footsteps of heroes, mimicking their warrior cries and poses. Our best efforts were doomed to fail, but we kept on trying. You did too, right? Probably. Hadouken!

MyNavi News asked 286 men and women in Japan which moves they practiced as children. Here are the most common (and surprising) responses.

May 6, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Here we have the impossible staircase, which violates the laws of physics and makes a mockery of basic common sense by looping back on itself, so that when you climb its steps, you endlessly ascend. These are the stairs that never end, they just go on and on, my friend. Think of the possibilities- like a mouse in a wheel, you can StairMaster up or down forever and never get anywhere.

First envisaged by Lionel and Roger Penrose in 1959 as a “continuous staircase”, and popularized by Escher’s famous lithograph, ‘Ascending and Descending,’ the incredible illusion of these endless stairs has been created in three-dimensional space by architect Rafael Nelson Aboganda at the Rochester Institute of Technology. Is this for real? Watch the clip below, laugh at people’s confusion, and decide for yourself!

May 3, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Toast in Japan is taken seriously. If you order the “breakfast set” at a restaurant in Japan, you will probably be confronted with one of the thickest slices of toasted bread you’ve ever seen. If you manage to peer over it, you might spot a boiled egg and a small, sad amount of salad cowering there.

At the supermarket, some popular toast spreads which come in a squeezy tube are chocolate, cinnamon, melon and “french toast” flavour, but for many people, toast means butter, and the more butter, the better. For butter-lovers, the new Easy Butter Butter-Former will transform hard butter straight from the fridge into soft and cotton-like butter threads, ready and easy to be used. Sound too greasy to be true? It probably is.

Mar 29, 2013 by Rona Moon
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As Humbert Humbert would say, “It was love at first sight, at last sight…” And this may be the last sight you will ever have of these eerily realistic lolita dolls…

Top Japanese love doll brand Orient Industries, pioneers and legendary makers of some of the most realistic and beautiful sex dolls you’ve ever laid eyes on, suddenly announced the mysterious demise of their “Lala” lolita doll range, due to “various factors”. Hmmm. From April 1 onwards, no more of these dolls will be created, and when they run out of inventory, it’s goodbye Lala! Warning, there are some naked doll pictures below which may not be suitable for work.

Mar 28, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Is that what I think it is? No, it can’t be. It’s so wrong. So very, very wrong. Some things were never meant to end up as plastic model kitsets.

Boys everywhere love making kitset models. But this one looks suspiciously like a bullet vibrator kitset. WTF?? And to add insult to injury, it’s bizarrely being promoted by a cartoon character who looks suspiciously like the well-known Yonkuro of Dash! Yonkuro fame, a manga and anime series which features Mini 4WD racing.

Mar 21, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Hang in there ladies… The next batch will hit shops in late April!

On 3 March, Tenga launched its revolutionary new “self-pleasure” Iroha range for women, and due to extreme popularity they sold out within just two weeks. These strange vibes shook the world of sex toys, but sadly, many women did not have their urgent need for Iroha fulfilled. Unable to satisfy the raging beast of female desire it had unleashed, Tenga issued a public apology on its website on 18 March.

Mar 20, 2013 by Rona Moon
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What is this so-called nampa? Nampa is the ancient Japanese art of pick-up. The seductive skill of girl-hunting. The discreet loitering around the train station, the thrill of the chase, the crushing rejection or ecstatic exchange of phone numbers. A much-maligned art which is becoming more and more illegal.

Awww, I remember my first nampa experience. I’d been in Japan less than a year and I was walking down a main street not far from Nagoya Station when a tall, skinny Japanese boy with a bleached anime-style shock of hair, a dapper suit and startlingly protuberant teeth smilingly approached me and struck up a conversation out of the blue. In Japanese! Living in conservative Nagoya and starved for human affection and contact, I and my fledgling language skills almost fell into his arms. I was so happy he was treating me just as if I was Japanese, making no distinction between me and the girls walking past in super short skirts (or maybe those were belts…).

Mar 18, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Following the most powerful earthquake ever to hit Japan, the sheer scale of the tsunami which smashed into northeastern Japan on March 11, 2011 was unprecedented. Coastal communities were devastated by waves which at their highest reached 40.5 meters above sea level, travelled up to 10km inland, and swept everything along with them. Mud, debris, cars, boats, houses, and fire.

The small town of Otsuchi in Iwate Prefecture was one of the hardest hit. About 10 percent of the population perished or went missing, including the mayor and many town officials. Iwate’s leading local newspaper, the Iwate Tokai Shimbun, was unable to continue operating as their printing press was washed out to sea, and two of their reporters were killed.

In 2012, a group of journalists banded together to once again start reporting the news from Otsuchi to support the town’s recovery, using the Internet to connect with people. Tsunami survivors have shared their stories of terror, panic, suffering and hope for the future through this new newspaper, known as the Otsuchi Mirai Shimbun (“Otsuchi Future Times”). These stories have been translated from the original Japanese into English by a team of 28 hard-working volunteers from Japan, Australia, New Zealand and the U.S., and published on the second anniversary of the disaster as a Kindle ebook.

Here are some excerpts from these true stories of survival:

Mar 12, 2013 by Rona Moon
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On 8 March 2013, in the second round of the World Baseball Classic, Japan beat Taiwan 4-3. It was a close-fought game, but the real hot topic on the day was the large number of Japanese spectators holding up handmade signs to express their gratitude to Taiwan for humanitarian aid given in response to the catastrophic March 11, 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami, which devastated northeastern Japan.

The gesture was organized beforehand through social media. Japanese fans reasoned that “a lot of Taiwanese people will be watching the game,” and so it would be a great opportunity to get the message across by showing simple words of gratitude on placards, broadcast on Taiwanese TV.

Mar 11, 2013 by Rona Moon
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You’ve all heard the joke about the sinking ship, right? This joke explicitly reveals the deep inner motivations of the men of many different nations. It’s famous for hitting the nail on the head when it comes to cultural stereotypes. Really, this joke knows you better than you know yourself. Popular in Japan, it also goes down a treat at drinking parties worldwide.

So, what is this joke that so accurately pinpoints cultural stereotypes? Here it is…

Mar 1, 2013 by Rona Moon
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This year on 7 April, the lusty cries of ”Kanamara, dekkai mara!” (“steel rod, giant dong!”) will once again ring through town.

Japan, traditionally a country where well-endowed foreigners are very welcome, embraces big penis worship in this very special festival. For the largest erections you’ve ever seen (anyone know Jonah Falcon personally?), save the date: Sunday 7 April 2013 at Kanayama Shrine in Kanagawa. All hail the huge pink peen! It just gets bigger and better every year.

Feb 14, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Now all you need is an intravenous drip, catheter and bed pan…

On 7 February, a new day of sloth dawned with the issue of Thanko’s new upside-down laptop desk, aptly named Aomuke Gorone Desk (“Napping Face Up Desk”) for 7,980 yen (US$86).

Feb 13, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Crushes at primary school are so cute, aren’t they? Rolling 50 deep to the school picnic, attended by a crew of giggling cuties on every class outing and fending them off right and left in the playground… girls want them and other boys want to be them. The harsh reality is that often more than half the girls in the class are in love with the same kid – but why? What makes the “cool boy” so popular?

Japanese website Goo News has recently investigated this phenomenon, uncovering the most striking characteristics of these popular boys. Take a look at their results, ranked by the top five attractive “characteristics”, below:

Feb 12, 2013 by Rona Moon
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55 contestants… 110 funbags!

Surely the main attraction of world-famous restaurant Hooters is the waitresses and their gigantic…appreciation for quality customer service. Now you can help select the cream of the Japanese Hooters crop in the Miss Hooters Japan 2013 by voting for your favourite “pair” online. The first round of voting runs from February 1-14, and the lucky finalists will be announced on the website Feb 16.

Feb 9, 2013 by Rona Moon
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Since its first explosive release in 2005, the name of Tenga has been ground-breaking in bringing men “the revolutionary future of safe sex and masturbation”, pioneering all-new ways to spank the monkey, choke the chicken, round up the tadpoles or burp the worm. But let’s be honest, it’s not just dudes who like to take matters into their own hands.

Now for the first time, Tenga would like to offer the same kind of futuristic pleasures to women.

Described as the Apple of the sex-toy industry, the aesthetic is elegant, refined and graceful, summed up in the Japanese word “tenga” (典雅) which is more commonly applied to a beautiful kimono, flawlessly-executed traditional dance or piece of classical music. Rather than merely attempting to simulate normal human sex, however, visionary inventor Koichi Matsumoto pushed the boundaries further to offer all-new and extremely hygienic ways of getting your rocks off. Which may or may not include the sensation of tentacle suckers.

Up until now, however, this break-through has only been available for men…

Feb 8, 2013 by Rona Moon
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One of Japan’s most ancient fertility festivals, Onda Matsuri (“Rice Field Festival”), which features public ritual sex, was held on February 3 at Asuka-ni-imasu Shrine in western Japan.

Around 1,400 years ago, Asuka was Japan’s political, cultural and spiritual heartland. The chief priest of this Shinto shrine is the 87th priest in an unbroken line of priests always named Asuka- a tradition that has stretched down the ages for 87 generations, perhaps thanks to the legendary fertility conferred by the rite, which is said to bring luck in matchmaking, marriage and easy childbirth. Easy childbirth? That sounds a tad oxymoronic. if you ask me. But at any rate, it sounds better than having my deity “greatly multiply my pain in childbirth” for my sins, naming no names…