The other day RocketNews24 introduced a breakthrough energy saving and morale building program called Hyper-Gentleman’s Cool Biz which was met with a warm reception from the titans of industry.
Thanks to your report I’ve decided to start Hyper-Gentleman’s Cool Biz in my company. The mankinis are on their way! But, I was wondering, how should I instruct my staff to alter their daily routines under HGCB?
Larry Sage, CEO, Goggle Inc.
Well Larr, you’re in luck! Because we have compiled a comprehensive multimedia guide to being a Hyper-Gentleman’s Cool Biz worker arranged in a streamlined manner for quick reference.
A Day In the Life of a Hyper Cool Biz (HCB) Gentleman
A few of you will be taken into custody by police for questioning on your morning commute, but have no fear because your employer knows you’re an HCB Gentleman! They feel that it’s a small sacrifice to know that even a dreary Monday morning’s low morale is wiped clean when everyone’s wearing mankinis!
Of course, in the event of arrest your pay will be docked.
■ Arriving at Work
As an HCB Gentleman, you no doubt pride yourself on keeping a clean workplace. However, you are also worried about such chores eating into your productivity. Well, wipe those tears because with your new mankini, window washing is a breeze.
Being nearly naked, you can keenly study your coworker’s muscle patterns thus achieving near-perfect synchronicity. Overall, you can expect to cut your window washing time by 200%!
■ Work Day (AM)
On your first morning as an HCB Gentleman, you’ll find that your employer has cemented over your power outlet and blessed you with a hand-powered generator to run your laptops. As the gentlemen you are, one worker should start charging while the other does his work. This might seem like a waste of your abilities, but fear not. The upper-body strength you acquire through these hours of turning your crank actually increases your afternoon typing by 150% which more than compensates for lost time! And that’s not all, the exercise should prolong your life, saving your company health care expensies.
HCB Gentlemen are givers. So at lunch time, all HCB Gentlemen are required to cook sausages and then feed them to non-Gentlemen. Some staff may not like a guy in a mankini trying to put his wiener in their mouths, so be sure to give them a gentle rub on the back while you slide it gently down their throat. Doing this will bring you and your coworkers to a level of intimacy you never thought possible by providing them with your much needed protein.
■ Work Day (PM)
It’s time to switch working and charging duties with your fellow HCB Gentleman. One suggestion is that if you work that stick hard enough then you can generate enough juice to run the laptop the following morning. In doing so you’ll be saving your fellow gentleman some morning churning.
So if you have the true spirit of an HCB Gentleman, crank that baby like there’s no tomorrow!
■ End of the Day
After a hard day in the office working while saving energy and ultimately the world, HCB Gentlemen like to retire for a drink while discussing the day’s final work related matters.
But only one drink now boys! Remember a gentlemen must wear his mankini with pride and dignity while on the town – and at home.
There you have it. These brave barely-clad souls are both gentlemen and ecologists filled to the brim with a deep patriotism and loyalty to their company. One day people around the world will look to Japan with admiration as the home of Hyper-Gentlemen’s Cool Biz.
So if someday you hear the words “mankini” or “wieners” bandied about your workplace, take heart that you will soon be among the distinguished HCB Gentlemen.
Photos & Video: RocketNews24
The Video Worker’s Guide to Being a Hyper Cool Biz Gentleman
[ Read in Japanese ]