The Amazon.com product review section has become something a creative writing outlet for the witty and sarcastic. In the right hands, these hilarious parody reviews can actually helps boost sales of the product (for all the wrong reasons) or even turn it into an internet phenomenon.
Yet every once in awhile — and this applies to Japan in particular — there will be a product on Amazon with reviews that are so disturbing, you can only pray for the sake of humanity that they are an uncoordinated series of cruel jokes.
This navy blue girl’s one-piece swimsuit offered on Amazon Japan is one such product, and anyone familiar with the word hentai can probably guess why…
Officially labeled the “Two-Way One-Piece Swimsuit Large (White Piping) Navy Blue Girl’s (School Swimsuit・One Piece)“, the product is nothing more than your standard regulation swimsuit worn by Japanese elementary school children for swim lessons. But that’s exactly what makes the following customer reviews so sick:
★★★★★ Feels good on the skin (2205 out of 2280 customers found this review helpful)
I’m a 170cm-tall male, so this swimsuit is a little tight, but it seems the fabric is elastic and I’m able to wear it without any problems.
But when I actually wore it for my friends, I was a little disappointing when they said it looked like one of those wrestling uniforms. I think it would be a perfect fit for someone a bit shorter and with smaller shoulders.
My thoughts after trying it on are that it feels good on the skin. Wear it instead of regular underwear when I go outside gets me really aroused.
I think wearing knee-high socks with it would make it feel even better.
However, it’s disappointing that it doesn’t come with a bra pad. I think I could have gotten more aroused if there was a bra pad.
I think this product might be better suited for females rather than males.
No sh$%, creepo.
★★★★★ Made from good materials (519 out of 555 customers found this review helpful)
This swimsuit is incredibly comfortable and perfect for swimming. I’m glad I bought it.
I’d like to use it year-round, but wearing it under layered clothing in winter feels suffocating and, while it’s perfect on it’s own during the summer, it may take some confidence to wear it out.
Also, it feels a little embarrassing because my crotch bulges out when I wear it. It’s hard to say if this is a drawback or a feature, but it probably won’t be a big issue for girls.
Yes, we’re glad it’s elastic and fits you too. Just keep it to yourself…
★★★★★ Pleasure inversely proportional to perversion (519 out of 555 customers found this review helpful)
I’m 165cm-tall and am able to wear this swimsuit without any difficulty. When I wear this to work I am plunged into indescribable feelings of pleasure from the thrill that my coworkers might find out what I’m wearing.
To like-minded swimsuit enthusiasts, I also recommend wearing it to the public pool. It’s hard to find a time when no one else is around and I’ve only been able to do it twice myself, but if you can get in the water and swim around you can experience a sensation like you have never known before.
When I entered the pool, I gradually lowered my body into the water and the tight-fitting material slowly loosened as it absorbed the the moisture. When you finally submerge yourself completely and the wet cloth clings to your body, you completely lose yourself in sensual pleasure. Bringing yourself out of the water, your body feels slightly heavy and you can feel the water pressed between your body and the swimsuit and the moisture absorbed in the swimsuit itself drip down gradually.
There are just some of the ways you can use your school swimsuit.
However, drying the swimsuit is no easy task. I live with my wife and two children and so I can’t leave it out. I thought about hanging it to dry in my room, but it left water drops on the floor. Please exercise caution.
Well at least this reviewer keeps it practical and provides a few helpful descriptions of how to use the swimsuit. And it should make for the perfect piece of evidence in court!