When we told our parents we were going to be travel writers, this probably wasn’t what they were expecting.
Deep in the wilds of the Philippines, a mysterious caller told our intrepid writer that there was a beautiful natural rock formation that few people knew. We were expecting something along the lines of crystalline stalactites or a gorgeous cave waterfall, but what we got was something far, far more attractive. Something so impossibly wonderful we have to save the photo for the end of this article.
Seven hours removed from Manila by bus, we arrived at a sleepy village lost in time, where the joys of digital entertainment have never been known and boys shouted and played with a soccer ball.
Our guide then led us to the mouth of a cave, equipped with a lamp to light the way and telling us to be careful of slipping at the entrance due to all the bat poo, which we learned from Ace Ventura is actually delicious but nevertheless, we were wearing our nice pants, so we proceeded with caution.
We felt like the kids from The Goonies, but the treasure we were searching for was something much more valuable than pirate booty.
Deeper and deeper we went, with only the guide’s lantern to show us the way. Not exactly sure what we were looking for, we waited for the guide to stop us.
When he finally stopped and pointed to the elusive rock formation, our breath caught in our throats, we rubbed our eyes and did a Scooby Doo double take.
What appeared before us was, for lack of a better descriptor, a solid rock vagina.
A rock vagina. A vagina. Made out of rock (no, these are not autocorrect fails). And now, because we fully expect thousands of “pics or it didn’t happen” comments, we present to you: The Rock Vagina of the Philippines.