Mushrooms are quite popular in Japan, where they have both bizarrely sexual commercials and giant bizarrely (not-quite) sexual plushies. You are also sure to find plump, white fungi in many dishes, and mushroom hunting is enjoyed by many of the country’s citizens every year
For the average person, though, mushrooms come from the store–not a mountain side. But if you’re feeling a tiny bit adventurous, you could always try growing the ‘shrooms in your kitchen, using a cheap “mushroom cultivation kit.” Just be careful not to fertilize your little fungi with the souls of the damned, as these Twitter users apparently did!
There are a number of kits on the market, but they’re all basically the same thing. Here’s one available on Rakuten for 650 yen (about US$6.50).
▼”Fun growing, and fun eating!”
That sounds like the tag-line to a horror movie for cows.
The kit contains the mushroom “material” as well as a bag to contain warmth and moisture, a guide, and some akadama soil.
If you follow the instructions correctly, and there are no problems, this is what your eringi, commonly known as king trumpet mushrooms in English, should look like! Fat, round, mostly symmetrical and absolutely delicious!
▼Also great as a set for filming stop-motion movies with Star Trek figures!
Unfortunately, not everyone’s eringi mushrooms turned out as expected. Some of them even took on tortuous forms not often found outside of Renaissance-era paintings of Hell! Here are the most abominable fungal forms we’ve found on Twitter.
This is the eringi that turned into something that looks like it was summoned from a parallel dimension when I misunderstood the instructions for growing them.
Every morning and night, when taking care of my eringi, I greet it, saying “Wow! Big Magnum!” [Editor’s note: We think you can probably guess what she means by “big magnum.”]
In front of the TV, where a woman is saying, “My boyfriend’s presents are kind of so-so. I don’t get his sense of style–he gave me a green and blue bag and a Chanel necklace,” sits a photo of the eringi growing kit I got for Christmas. I’m starting to rethink the placement.
Since it ended up looking like this, I’m starting to think something must have gone wrong.
With all these horrible, demonic eringi running around the world, we think we need a hero to save us! But it can’t be just Batman or Wolverine–you need to fight fire with fire and battle eringi with eringi! Fortunately, we’ve found the hero we deserve, even if it isn’t exactly the hero we want…
I attached the arms and legs from my eringi strengthening kit. I think it looks pretty good!
Battle Eringi! Coming soon to a toy store and/or produce section near you! Just remember kids: Don’t feed your home-grown eringi with the souls of the damned without parental supervision.