Novelty goods manufacturer Bibi Lab would like to get one thing straight. Despite appearances, its life-sized, humanoid-shaped stuffed Wata Yome and Wata Danna are not hug pillows. And while the English text in the product logo may refer to them as “body pillows,” really, the company would prefer you to think of them as “partners for lonely people.”
Let’s look at what constitutes the freaky difference.
Structurally, the Wata Yome (Cotton Wife) and Wata Danna (Cotton Husband) are extensions of the pillows shaped like a man’s arm or a woman’s lap that have been offered for sale in Japan before. They’re just been taken to their logical extremes, and instead of only copying one part of the human form, they’ve got the whole torso, limbs, and a head.
▼ The 165-cm (5-foot, 5-inch) tall, 10,800-yen (US$92) Wata Danna
▼ The well-endowed 8,400-yen Wata Yome is 150 centimeters tall, with a bust measurement of 90 centimeters, giving her full-on kyonyuu status.
Each comes with a fleece cover that’s designed to prevent static electricity, meaning your hair won’t get frizzy after an extended cuddle session. Both the cover and core are machine washable, which Bibi Lab recommends doing regularly. The company also suggests placing a cover over the core when drying it on your balcony, if you’re the type who feels self-conscious hanging your human-shaped laundry in public…
If Bibi Lab will forgive us for using the term, the Wata Yome and Danna seem like they’d make ideal huggy pillows, giving all of the benefits of one with a more orthodox shape with the added soft comfort of their fleece covers.
▼ And yet, guys with this level of thick, luxurious body hair are still generally held to be unattractive by most women.
Also, the full-length legs make for an excellent lap pillow, another service Japanese find soothing when provided by the opposite sex.
▼ Although the way Wata Danna seems to be pulling his human wife’s face towards himself, and the angle at which he’s tilting his head back, makes us think he might be enjoying this as much as she is.
Wata Danna also keeps up on the latest trends, as evidenced by his skill in performing a textbook kabe-don wall pound, despite not having the long, wavy hair of a shojo manga character.
And, when you’re finally ready to give into your carnal desires, Wata Danna appears ready and willing to simply ravish you right there on the kitchen floor.
▼ “Take me, Wata Danna!”
But while physical chemistry is a critical component of a successful relationship, a good life partner is also someone who you can enjoy spending time with even when you’re not lustily pawing at one other. You’ll want someone you can share your interests and passions with, for example, your penchant for anime cosplay.
▼ Wata Danna is actually 5 centimeters taller than Attack on Titan’s Levi, though.
It’s also nice to be with someone you can just enjoy chilling on the couch with, watching some TV together.
Of course, you can’t spend all your time at home. Luckily, Wata Danna and Wata Yome are always up for a drive.
▼ Although, you’d think a dude with a Porsche would use his high-performance car’s status symbol cachet to pick up real girls.
And considering all they do for you, it’s only fitting that you take your Wata Spouse out for a nice dinner now and again.
▼ We’re not sure if a newly purchased Wata Yome is legally old enough to drink, but considering she doesn’t have a liver to get damaged, we’re guessing it’s OK.
Bibi Lab even points out that due to the shape and stature of the pillows-sorry, life partners, you can leave one propped up next to the window when you go out, creating the impression that there’s still someone left at home and warding off prowling burglars. Albeit someone with a perfectly round head and who never, ever moves…
▼ We’re going to go way out on a limb and guess that most of the target market for Wata Spouses lives alone.
There’s one potential problem with this plan, though. If you leave Wata Danna and Wata Yome alone too often, you’re giving them the impetus and opportunity to start looking for romantic companionship elsewhere…and maybe with each other, as they snuggle and talk dirty while you’re out.
▼ “…? …?”
“…! …! …!”
Then, one day when you come home early and catch them in the act, you’re liable to fly into a rage, killing one or both of them in a crime of passion. Really, the only silver lining to this otherwise tragic outcome is that hiding the bodies doesn’t require all that much space.