Over the last few years, it’s become a trend for truly obsessive anime fans to start referring to their favorite female character as their wife, or waifu, thanks to the Japanese language’s almost complete lack of terminal consonants. Honestly, the whole phenomena is crazy, because how can you claim someone’s your spouse with no legal paperwork?
Seeking to make the spousal bond between husband and anime wife just a little more legitimate, one company is now offering marriage packs, complete with marriage certificates, for two popular anime lasses.
Curtain Damashi’s bread and butter is curtains decorated with anime characters that you can hang in your home (ostensibly with the characters facing inside, not staring out at your neighbors and making them feel awkward). Two of the company’s newest designs feature Kirino and Ruri, also known as Kuroneko, characters from teen comedy/incest tease Ore no Imoto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai, or My Little Sister Can’t be this Cute.
In order to maximize the curtains’ waifu factor, each depicts the characters in a wedding gown.
There’s even a third pattern which feature both girls together, making it the perfect interior decoration for indecisive otaku looking for a harem of their own.
The curtains are priced at 20,000 yen (US$170), but while they’ll definitely serve as testament to your emotional sincerity and financial commitment, they don’t really provide any proof that your two-dimensional fiancé didn’t suddenly change her mind and leave you at the alter. To show you both really took the plunge, you’ll need to pony up 11,198 yen for a set that includes an Ore no Imoto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai personal seal, plus a marriage certificate.
When ordering, you can have the seal made with whatever name you like, but the subtle suggestion seems to be that you should have it made out with that of the girl of your choice, so you can affix her seal next to yours on the marriage certificate.
▼ Kuroneko version
But while the anime has a relaxed attitude regarding romantic love between siblings, Curtain Damashi seems to have taken a more hardline stance where polygamy is concerned, as there’s no combo pack that comes bundled with marriage certificates for both girls. Likewise, the 4,980-yen wedding cakes are sold separately.
▼ Remember, should you ever graduate to marrying a real girl, the guests at your reception will probably be kind of freaked out if they have to watch you slice into a recreation of your new bride’s face before they can eat dessert.
And finally, Curtain Damashi can set you up with a deluxe package of curtain, marriage certificate, and cake of your preferred waifu for 34,980 yen, which, like the separate items, can be ordered here.
After all, if you’re obsessive enough to fill out a marriage certificate for your anime crush, you’re probably also obsessive enough to want and all of her body of merchandising goods,