It cannot be said enough that as much as we love our fellow writers from RocketNews24 Japan, sometimes we have absolutely no idea what the hell they’re thinking. Of course, that’s part of the appeal! They’re like Riggs in Lethal Weapon or, actually, a less ranty Mel Gibson on any day of the week.
This time, they decided to test if Bubblicious is as hard as a nipple, as some have claimed…by comparing it to our globetrotting Go’s own chest ornaments. The video presented below is technically 100 percent safe for work, but also probably not at all safe for work.
In English we might say that there’s a thin line between madness and genius, but in Japanese, people might instead say 馬鹿と天才は紙一重 (Baka to tensai ha kami ichiju) or “The difference between stupid and genius is paper-thin.” While we wouldn’t dare to hold court on what is genius and what is stupid, we have our suspicions about which side of the page this experiment might fall on…
▼ “They mean ‘genius,’ right?”
To first set the scene, we should explain that our dashing P.K. recently heard that Bubblicious has the same hardness as a nipple, a claim we’ve never heard before. But it doesn’t quite seem logical, does it? Bubblicious can be chewed on for hours and blown into big bubbles. Nipples can…not? Well, we suppose they could be chewed on for hours, but in our experience, the person attached to them might protest after a bit.
Still, P.K. had to know the answer, so he decided to play MythBusters and get experimental!
First, he would need some test subjects, which were supplied in the form of a pack of Bubblicious and coworker Go’s own nipples. He also wanted to get a second opinion, so he got the sensitive-tongued Yoshio to participate as well. It’s not quite double-blind, but close enough!
▼ The experiment was set up something like this.
First, Go’s chesticles were cleaned up and disinfected before pieces of Bubblicious were careful positioned for maximum nibbling action.
▼ Not what P.K. or Go thought they’d be doing when they woke up this morning.
However, they soon discovered a complication to their plan: Go is incredibly ticklish! He hardly stopped cackling the entire time our curious writers were carrying out their experiment. Normally, we’d suggest they get a different pair of nipples to bite, but we guess you make do with what you have.
▼ For science!
Once things were finally ready, though, the pair leaned over and bit into the gum! But what did they find? Though Go’s cackling was almost enough to distract from the very important matter at hand, they were able to get some helpful data.
▼ Does Rule 34 apply if it already starts out semi-erotic?
▼ A brief consultation between colleagues
▼ Just like Mel Gibson’s face during the torture scene in Braveheart.
▼ “I better be getting a big summer bonus!”
In the end, they decided that there was a distinct difference between the nipple and the Bubblicious. That said, both P.K. and Yoshio agreed that while noticeable, the difference was slight, with the gum proving to be slightly harder. Though this might have started off seeming like a rather absurd experiment, we can all agree that we did learn something!
▼ For example, Go kind of sounds like a drunk chicken when he laughs.
Of course, photos alone can’t tell the entire story! You’ll want to watch the video above to get a real sense of the experiment. Just be sure to turn your sound down before you do.
So, dear readers, what do you think? Do these results seem valid? Is Bubblicious really as tough as a nipple? Or do they need to reset and retry their experiment?
Maybe one more time? Just to be sure…
All images © RocketNews24. Experiment results and procedures to be published in an upcoming issue of Nature in approximately never.
[ Read in Japanese ]