Celebrity inventor and “Greatest Scientist in History” Dr. NakaMats throws his support behind the Republican front-runner in the form of the mightiest weapon known to man: Guard Wig.
“You know how Trump says his hair isn’t a wig and gets people to pull on it? Well, with this thing it might slip off!” joked Yoshiro Nakamatsu – or Dr. NakaMats as he’s more efficiently known – during a press conference at the Foreign Correspondents’ Club in Tokyo on 27 February.
However, that would be the end of the flaws for the Guard Wig, also known as Mamori Kami in Japanese. This sophisticated piece of weaponry looks like a regular low-end wig but contains a chunk of iron inside (possibly with spikes) along with a coiled strap that can be used to retrieve it after being thrown at the fallen enemy.
▼ The diagrams from Guard Wig’s patent show it with and without metal spikes and shows how it may easily be thrown from the top of the user’s head.
So next time Trump finds himself teamed up on in a debate about how to guide the country, he can simply shout “Eat lead, tubby!” and hurl Guard Wig into the gullet of Ted Cruz. But just then, Marco Rubio takes advantage of Trump’s distraction and pulls out his solid gold pistol to finish the Donald off. However, he would forget about Guard Wig’s patented strap technology which Trump would use to swing it right around and into the jaw of Rubio as gracefully as Jackie Chan with a blender.
Immediately afterwards Trump would be declared king and with Miss USA in one arm and a bald eagle in the other he would have announced that America had officially been made great again.
▼ Other inconspicuous retrieval devices were designed for Guard Wig such as a pulley attached to a reel on the hip, or a remote control car.
The Guard Wig was originally created as a tool to prevent molestation with the first models available in blond and dark brown. However, this time Dr. Nakagawa has created a new one suited just for the billionaire’s specific tones and highlights.
This is the latest creation from the man who humbly admits to having invented thousands of items including floppy disks, CDs, DVDs, fax machines, digital watches, perpetual motion, and taxi meters. With such an impressive track record you might wonder why the Ig Nobel Prize winner would waste his time with the US Republican Primaries.
It turns out that Dr. Nakamatsu says he felt a kinship with Trump, a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, where Nakamatsu had lectured a few decades ago. In this way, Trump was sort of his “apprentice.”
Moreover, the 87-year-old inventor has currently outlived physicians’ expectations after being diagnosed with prostate cancer, and attributes his longevity to the simple act of creation…creation and his own Dr. NakaMats’ Rebody 55 nutritional supplements.