“There is a life that can save in the shit,” promotional poster reminds us.
For many years, my favorite piece of breathless English text used to promote a Japanese video game has been found on the cover of the PlayStation classic Valkyrie Profile, which nonsensically exclaims “Should Deny The Divine Destiny of The Destinies.” But I think it may have just lost its throne to “There is a life that can save in the shit,” which was plastered across promotional images at Tokyo Game Show 2016 for smartphone title UnColle.
やったぜ うんコレ体験 うんこの診断をするという羞恥プレイで二回も男汁を出した後に敵をタッチして倒すアクションゲームが始まる キャラが守られるだけじゃなくてスキルがあるともっと楽しそう…配信したらやろうかな https://t.co/g8gI1sInQg—
雑食ノーマ (@zassyokugeemu) September 17, 2016
The currently-in-development UnColle takes the second half of its name from battleships-turned-schoolgirls game/anime franchise Kantai Collection, more commonly known as Kancolle. Meanwhile, the first half of UnColle comes from unko, the Japanese word for “poop.” It all starts to make sense when you learn that UnColle is produced by the Japan Unko Society, an organization dedicated to spreading knowledge about stool-related health issues, sometimes in a fun, otaku-friendly way.
▼ A brief video introduction to the world of UnColle
Now while the game’s title might mean “Poop Collection,” it doesn’t mean that the player’s goal is to gather a bunch of droppings like a primate preparing for the poo-flinging match of the century. Instead, you team up with various types of colon bacillus intestinal bacteria (anthropomorphized as cute anime girls, naturally), in order to help preserve peace in Untopia, a magical land located on “the other side” of your toilet.
Sadly, all is not well in Untopia, which is being threatened by malignant creatures. To defeat your fearsome foes, you’ll need to strengthen the cast of female fighters by using special power-up cards. This being the age of micro-transactions, you might expect each of those cards to be separately made purchases. But as it turns out, UnColle doesn’t want you to give it your money, but information about your bowel movements.
As shown in a demo version at the Tokyo Game Show, during the game the goddess Kanbennu greets players by saying:
“Welcome to Untopia. You have been chosen as the savior of this world. Now then, first please let me hear about your bowel movements today. How was the thickness of your stool? The color? The shape!?”
Once you’ve reported on the quality of your poo that day (Is the color brown, black, red, green, or gray? Would you describe its consistency as watery, muddy, particulate, clumpy, or solid, like a banana?) you’ll receive your power-up cards.
▼ A diagram explaining a handful of points related to the game mechanics/human digestive process
▼ The dark fumes are a tad disturbing in a game with “poo” as its major theme.
▼ As is the claw weapon, with “wiping” being the next logical step after dropping a deuce.
Given the Japan Unko Society’s purported goal of increasing awareness of poo-associated health issues, and the fact that the game keeps a log of your repots, it seems like at some point functions will be added to alert players of possible illnesses based on their responses. We’ll have to wait until later builds of the game, though, to see if the game will be able to give you a detailed diagnosis, or simply flash a message of “Dude, you’ve had liquid red poop for three straight days. Go see a doctor, NOW!”
Follow Casey on Twitter, where he promises to keep any information about his stool color to himself.