And that’s even before the sticky liquid starts oozing out of it.
For many meals in Japan, a dish’s presentation is arguably as important as its flavor. Previously, we’ve enjoyed eyeballing edibles that look like anime characters, fireworks, magic spells, and beautiful flowers.
So between our appreciation of visual arts and constant carnivorous tendencies, Volcano Kitchen, a casual restaurant chain with locations in Osaka and Nogoya, sounds pretty appealing. The house specialty is a roast beef rice bowl, with the meat arranged in a volcano-like spire sitting in a pool of flavorful sauce, or “magma” as the restaurant refers to it. However, a series of snapshots shared by Japanese Twitter user @kalk_hanae are evocative of something quite different from the geological formation that makes up the first half of Volcano Kitchen’s name.
おいかわ (@kalk_hanae) October 09, 2016
“I came to eat a roast beef bowl,” @kalk_hanae tweeted, “but for some reason my brain tells me I’m looking at something dirty.” We think we have a hunch as to what that reason might be: this fleshy, bulbous-tipped rod of meat looks like a penis.
Oh, and not just any penis, but one that’s both large and infected, as the seasonings clinging to it look like growths, boils, and inflamed blood vessels. As a matter of fact, the whole thing looks so unhealthy that when @kalk_hanae ruptures the soft-boiled egg at the tip, the disgusting shock is softened because it only makes sense that the ejaculation dribbling forth from this shaft should be brightly colored and extremely viscous.
Online reactions have included:
“It’s really erect.”
“Unfit for broadcast TV.”
“Way too realistic.”
Now, in Volcano Kitchen’s defense, the roast beef bowls on its official Twitter account are more artfully made.
【9月のお知らせ】 ボルケーノキッチン本店 社員研修のため 9月12日（月） ランチ、ディナー お休みをいただきます。 その日以外は シャカリキ営業 させていただきますので よろしくお願いします‼︎ https://t.co/S3G6U0g7kK—
ボルケーノキッチン (@volcano_kitchen) September 09, 2016
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 おいしさ大噴火中‼️ 旨さ爆発ボルケーノ💨 当店自慢の 『ボルケーノプレート』 マグマに見立てた半熟卵と ご飯が入った 『新感覚ローストビーフ丼』 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 https://t.co/nyqSOIR6ch—
ボルケーノキッチン (@volcano_kitchen) June 11, 2016
But even then, it’s now hard not to see them as having a dong-derived design. However, @kalk_hanae reports that his roast beef bowl tasted great, and it certainly looks like a filling meal. If you’re in the mood to try it, but find its appearance to be uncomfortably suggestive, we’d suggest closing your eyes as you take the meat into your mouth.