You might see RocketNews24’s itasha, the Mr. Sato Car, driving through your neighborhood. Just follow the sounds of people retching!
Fans of Japanese pop culture are likely familiar with the itasha, named with the kanji for “pain” and “car” to mean a kind of “painful car.” They are regular automobiles heavily decorated with characters from anime, manga, or video games.
The name is a reference to the fact that such a car would be painfully embarrassing to drive in or simply painful to look at for passersby. But for lots of people anime characters are cool, so it seems the term itasha can have a certain irony depending on who uses it.
This conundrum has always bothered our writer P.K. Sanjun who finally decided to make an itasha that was truly painful to all, regardless of who sees or drives it. He wanted to make a car that would churn people’s stomachs and make their eyes squint out of pure repugnance.
Luckily, he knew just the character who could accomplish that.
Yes, RocketNews24’s own Mr. Sato would be the subject of our very own “gachina-itasha” (freaking painful car). Thanks to his countless exploits over the years that have resulted in a hearty collection of disagreeable imagery, we had lots to work with.
Luckily, we also had a car waiting in the wings with the Minca Guppy that RocketNews24 bought for 980 yen (US$8.84) two years ago.
First P.K. contacted Suppu Kodo, a leading itasha design studio and they took detailed measurements of the car. After that there was a lengthy consultation lasting about two months on how exactly they should decorate the car and which of Mr. Sato’s greatest hits would go on it.
Finally it was time to apply the decals. P.K. watched with a certain nihilistic glee to see these professionals put in so much time and effort to create something so repulsive.
And just like that, the Mr. Sato Car was born. P.K. could just hear the screams of “Avert your eyes!” and “God help me I’m going to puke!” from all those who would gaze upon it.
Yes’m all the favorites were there: Donald Trump Sato, Softbank Dog Sato, Pikachu Sato, and Nyotaimori Sushi Sato from that time the staff ate sushi off his naked body. There was even an image of Gyaru Sato on the roof so that people in tall buildings and helicopters could also get an eyeful.
It’s not a Chrysler as big as a whale, but still, for whatever reason this car seems to be blaring “Love Shack” on a constant loop even though the radio is turned off. This car of pain was perfect.
Oh, and by the way, this whole endeavor was done without Mr. Sato’s knowledge. Hopefully, he doesn’t decide to check the Suppu Kodo website before we show it to him.
And hopefully he’ll bring his jukebox money, which he should have considering he’s bathed in 800 million yen before.