Finally, men can dress conservatively and not gross everyone out with their high-beams on.
As we have seen time and time again, the greatest threat to workplace tranquility is the male nipple. As gross as it is persistent, the male nipple refuses to stay hidden and, as a 2013 study suggests, disgusts 84 percent of people in a business environment.
▼ A more recent study shows the 84 percent figure is still holding strong
Whether glowing a fierce brownish orange like two UFOs buried under an Antarctic ice sheet, or simply protruding against the shirt as if Kuato were about to emerge and offer guidance, some guys’ nipples simply refuse to be ignored.
A survey by the Seiso Shiro T Production Committee revealed the top ten impressions people have of men with visible nipples. As you might expect none are good.
1 – I can’t help but feel uneasy
2 – It’s gross
3 – It’s like they don’t care about those around them
4 – I instinctively can’t accept it
5 – It bums me out
6 – They seem oblivious, even at work
7 – I don’t want to associate with them
8 – They come across as unreliable
9 – They feel unhygienic
10 – I hope I never see them again
As you can see, visible male nipples pretty much run the gamut of negative emotions. In the same study, visible nipples ranked highest among fashion violations, above shoes without socks, back sweat, and even armpit hair extending beyond short sleeves.
But even with all this opposition, men with excessively stubborn nipples were at a loss. Sure they could wear an undershirt, but during the summer months the resulting sweat would just make those golden saucers visible again and transform their torso into some kind of moist giant owl.
But now the Seiso Shiro T Production Committee believes they have the answer: their self-titled Seiso Shiro T (Formal White T). Developed over the course of two years using state-of-the-art Japanese stitching techniques and high quality, pesticide-free cotton from Japan, the USA, Uganda, and India, it is the ultimate in nipple-obscuring technology.
Available in both v-neck and crew-neck styles for 9,000 yen (US$80) each, these shirts claim to be able to keep your nipples concealed in all but the most extreme conditions (i.e. swimming or standing directly in front of the bat signal).
The high price tag is partly due to these being a limited edition shirt with only 200 going on sale on 3 March, both online and at exhibitions held at a store specializing in white T-shirts in Sendagaya, Tokyo, called #FFFFFFT, a name which is nerdese for “White T” (Shiro T in Japanese).
This appears to be a trial run to ensure the demand is there, and if successful we will see more Seiso Shiro Ts for sale – and perhaps the dream of a nipple-free workplace will be acheived.